Ah, crematoria.
I always thought that one of the ways I could do my bit for Net Zero was (when the time comes) by dying. No more exhaling CO2, no more planet-destroying food choices, or, come to think of it, no more consumption of any type. Or so I thought, but then I lack the vigilance of Britain’s net-zero zealots.
Labour is plotting to make UK crematoria greener by banning gas cremation ovens and forcing grieving families to choose eco-friendly wicker or bamboo coffins.
New rules for crematoria, drawn up by the UK environment department, are set to be upgraded to meet both new pollution standards and the UK’s commitment to reach the target of net zero by 2050.
Ah, crematoria, well, that’s a relief. Unless I opt for an optimistic deep freeze, I plan on being a six-feet-under man myself, but doubtless climate jihadis have views on those choices too.
When it comes to greening cremation, the demands of climate-conscious officialdom won’t be satisfied with an insultingly flimsy coffin. Among other things, crematoria would be required to cut emissions of “mercury from dental fillings, and airborne toxins from burning coffin glue and embalming fluid.”
Because, when confronting environmental perils, we should not overlook (checks notes) the toxins released by burning coffin glue.
Still, the CEO of the Federation of Burial and Cremation Authorities wants to help out:
The UK cremation sector supports achieving the lowest possible environmental impact. Net zero remains the ambition and we are committed to supporting our members in this important work.
Needless to say, this work is not “important” in any material way except for one. Much of climate policy revolves around creating a sense of crisis, a long-established method of societal control. Using climate and other environmental concerns to justify imposing a new and somewhat intrusive layer of regulation on crematoria is, like so much pointless climate rulemaking, propaganda designed to remind people of the importance of doing everything, however trivial, to stave off climate apocalypse. Persuade them to accept such rules, and they will be much more likely to agree to much bigger demands, too.
Oh yes:
The new rules will also see crematoria obliged to measure all the energy used and emissions generated, and encouraged to recover heat from the combustion chambers – suggesting it could be used to generate electricity or provide hot water.
One local official boasts proudly that:
The waste heat generated from each cremation is used to heat the leisure facilities. It feeds the leisure center with all the heat it needs to operate the swimming pool.
There’s a Soylent Green joke in there somewhere.