Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart went on such a fierce anti-capitalism rant on Monday’s episode of The Daily Show that he literally gave himself a bloody hand as he smashed his coffee cup against his desk. Afterwards, Stewart would call capitalism “exploitative” and suggest Democrats adopt a new MANGIONE acronym before jokingly stopping himself.
Stewart was ranting about how DOGE finding a million dollars of wasteful spending here and there to cut isn’t going to fix the system. Instead, politicians need to go after corporations and ideally health insurance companies. It was during a rant on a Biden policy, which Stewart portrayed as woefully insufficient, that he hurt himself.
Later, Stewart continued, “Look, capitalism is by definition exploitative. It's how it operates. That's fine. But then government's role should be to ease the negative effects on Americans of that exploitation, not subsidize that treachery with our money. We are getting [bleep] at a Diddy party and they're making us buy the baby oil.”
Not appreciating how franchises work, Stewart rolled on, “Look man, I want DOGE to work. I want better efficiencies, get rid of the alphabet agencies that don't do enough, make the Pentagon pass an audit, but we are DOGE-ing in the wrong place if we want to really change the system. Companies like Walmart and McDonald's make billions of dollars in taxpayer-subsidized profits, yet many of their hard-working employees need taxpayer-subsidized public assistance.”
Holding up his hand for the first time since the injury, Stewart was just getting started, “We are subsidizing the very system that makes workers' lives harder in the first place! All in the name of freedom and liberty, but the greatest restriction of freedom in this country isn't DEI and pronoun pressure. It's [bleep] poverty and struggle and the government’s role, I’m not done, ya bastards! It's fine!”
Stewart then turned to Democrats, “The government's role should be to end the corruption that enables that exploitation. That's what the Democrats should be doing. Every [bleep] day! Every day! Every day at 5:00 P.M. sharp, the Democrats should go live on Facebook and do the people's audit. Find the absurdities and the remedies in our exploitive system. “
Alluding to Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, Stewart kept going, “Get someone like AOC or Jasmine Crockett or Chris Murphy or anybody that doesn't sound like they're complaining why there's no more frozen yogurt at the cafeteria in The Villages. I'm sorry! You have no rizz! And we need something more than shouting, we need something constructive to anchor our hopes. A new acronym. For a new age. It's not MAGA. It is something more like Make... America... Not ... Governed... In... Obviously... Negative... Abort! Abort! Abort! No vigilantes! But do something!”
If Stewart suffered that injury in the U.K., he might have to go months before getting treatment. If he got in Canada, they might suggest he euthanize himself.
Here is a transcript for the February 24 show:
Comedy Central The Daily Show
2/24/2025
11:19 PM ET
JON STEWART: Look, capitalism is by definition exploitative. It's how it operates. That's fine. But then government's role should be to ease the negative effects on Americans of that exploitation, not subsidize that treachery with our money. We are getting [bleep] at a Diddy party and they're making us buy the baby oil!
Look man, I want DOGE to work. I want better efficiencies, get rid of the alphabet agencies that don't do enough, make the Pentagon pass an audit, but we are DOGE-ing in the wrong place if we want to really change the system. Companies like Walmart and McDonald's make billions of dollars in taxpayer-subsidized profits, yet many of their hard-working employees need taxpayer-subsidized public assistance.
Airlines get billions in bailouts that they use in stock buybacks and bonuses, but if you're on food assistance, you're not allowed to buy hot food with it. Cause apparently heated entrees are for winners.
We are subsidizing the very system that makes workers' lives harder in the first place! All in the name of freedom and liberty, but the greatest restriction of freedom in this country isn't DEI and pronoun pressure. It's [bleep] poverty and struggle and the government’s role, I’m not done, ya bastards! It's fine!
The government's role should be to end the corruption that enables that exploitation. That's what the Democrats should be doing. Every [bleep] day! Every day! Every day at 5:00 P.M. sharp, the Democrats should go live on Facebook and do the people's audit. Find the absurdities and the remedies in our exploitive system.
Get someone like AOC or Jasmine Crockett or Chris Murphy or anybody that doesn't sound like they're complaining why there's no more frozen yogurt at the cafeteria in The Villages. I'm sorry! You have no rizz! And we need something more than shouting, we need something constructive to anchor our hopes. A new acronym. For a new age. It's not MAGA. It is something more like Make... America... Not ... Governed... In... Obviously... Negative... Abort! Abort! Abort! No vigilantes! But do something!