What do you get when you combine a movie company known for crass humor with a vulgar, abortion-loving actress? You get a vulgar, crass, abortion-loving production, as is the case with Netflix’s “comedy” Kinda Pregnant.

Adam Sandler’s company Happy Madison Productions made the movie under the direction of Sandler’s nephew Tyler Spindel. Actress Amy Schumer, who also stars as the main character Lainy, served as a writer.

Lainy has always dreamt of being a mom since childhood. But after her long-term boyfriend proposes a threesome with a woman named Moira (Hayley Griffith) instead of proposing marriage as Lainy expected, her life starts spiraling downward, culminating with her faking a pregnancy for attention and compliments.  

Of course, silly humor has its place, as well as its fans. But this movie was a huge flop with horrible reviews across the board, even among those who enjoy crass humor. The jokes are cringeworthy and awkward at best, and they leave viewers wondering whether they’re supposed to laugh or not.

The first abortion reference appears when Lainy finds out, fresh from her breakup, that her best friend Kate (Jillian Bell) is expecting a child:

Lainy: You’re not drinking. You look like shit. You don’t wanna talk about holes. Are you f*cking pregnant? No!

Kate: No?

Lainy: No! Get rid of it!

Kate: What?!

Lainy: No, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry. God. It’s just… I thought that I would have a baby first and you would, like, wait too long and, you know, try and adopt and that wouldn’t really pan out and you would just get, like some weird pet. Like, off-brand like a ferret or some shit. I don’t know, but I’m so happy for you. A baby?!

Kate: Lainy, I didn’t want to tell you right now. Please don’t be mad.

Lainy: Stop! Why would I be mad at you? A baby. I’m so happy for you.

Kate: Well, I mean, yes, but you just demanded I have an abortion.

Lainy: Mmm hmm.

Kate: This is terrible timing. I thought that you would be engaged, and I’d be pregnant, and it’d be so nice but…

Lainy: No, it’s fine, and it is nice. It’s amazing. You’re having a baby.

Kate: I know. It’s so weird.

Lainy: It’s so crazy.

At least they called her child a baby, though, right? Not so fast. Lainy and Kate are teachers and as they walk to their classes, the school’s guidance counselor, Fallon (Urzila Carlson), joins them and comes up with the vilest term ever used to describe a living, growing, preborn baby:

Fallon: Why would you want a family anyway when you’re already working with these bleeding hemorrhoids all day? You heard me, Liam.

Liam: You’re the only teacher who can’t swim.

Fallon: Lots of people can’t swim. I swear I’m gonna f*ck his dad, become his stepmom and put him up for adoption.

Lainy: We’re not supposed to threaten them, remember?

Kate: Lanes, this is me. You got this, b*tch. You’re the G.O.A.T.

Lainy: Don’t talk like that in front of the baby.

Kate: It’s not even a baby yet. It’s just an embryo.

Fallon: It’s not even an embryo. It’s just fermenting cum. It’s just sitting in there like…

Kate: Thank you so much for that visual.

Shirley: Golden Girls. Golden Girls.

Lainy: Wow, how do you even know that show? Aren’t you too young?

Shirley: No, I looked up older lady references so I could connect with you guys, my senior coworkers. Now, let me see the hand. Wait, I need to go live with this to show my followers.

Lainy: Oh, no, you don’t need to see my hand. It’s fine.

Shirley: Stop.

Lainy: Okay.

Shirley: Oh no.

Lainy: No, it’s good.

Shirley: Looks like I got some bad intel.

Lainy: No, it’s actually a really good thing. I decided I wasn’t ready to settle down.

Shirley: Really? At your age, honey? ‘Cause aren’t you in your like 40s?

Lainy: Yes, I am. Are you okay?

Shirley: I’m so sorry.

Lainy: It’s fine. Please.

Shirley: Okay.

Lainy: Okay. God, I hate her.

Fallon: She’s the worst.

Lainy: It’s like… look at that. She’s a teacher of children. Are you allowed to smoke in here?

Fallon: Yeah, it’s just pot. Can you believe that tarantula is going to be a mother?

Lainy: Shirley’s pregnant?

Fallon: Yeah. Her and Kate will be together all the time, which frees us up to work on our friendship.

Shirley (Lizze Broadway) the “tarantula” is already a mother. You’re a mother the moment your child is conceived. Even if you have an abortion, it doesn’t change this basic fact.

After Lainy tries on a fake baby bump in a dressing room, a store attendant begins showering her with attention believing she’s pregnant. Not wanting the attention to end, Lainy continues to wear the fake bump except when she’s around her friends and colleagues.

In one scene, she wears the bump on the subway which leads to one of the movie’s many weird, inappropriate jokes:

Announcer: The next stop is Metropolitan Avenue, (inaudible) Street.

Lainy: Oh, oh, thanks. Yeah.

Teen: You look so beautiful.

Mom: Yeah

Lainy: Oh, thank you.

Teen: It’s like your skin is glowing.

Lainy: Wow. It’s probably because I’m pregnant.

Teen: Mom, I want to get pregnant. I want to get pregnant tonight.

Mom: What, no! No, you don’t. Not when you’re 15.

Teen: You never let me do anything!

Lainy (mouths): Sorry.

Mom (mouths): F*ck you.

Months later, Lainy encounters the mother/daughter pair again and sees the teen is pregnant. Because teen pregnancy is always such a great topic for laughs. /sarcasm

It’s also evidence of the movie’s inability to depict a clear timeline. The only reason we know it’s been months is because the teen’s baby bump is so large.

Abortion rears its ugly head again as Shirley overhears a conversation that makes her think Lainy is pregnant and is planning to abort her baby as Lainy’s two worlds begin to collide. The writers just had to glorify the murder of innocent lives in such a glib, casual way:

Shirley: Context- Lainy is pregnant and thinking of terminating, which is so fine because you know I’m pro-choice like a Rolls Royce, but this could be our unicorn’s last chance… (Wait. No. You need to go into the wrinkles.) So, we’re hoping we can talk her into keeping it. Right?

Crowd: Woo! Yes!

Shirley: Oh my God, the chat is one fire.

Kate: Enough!

Shirley: Wait, no, that’s my phone. Your phone is over there.

Kate: I’m turning it off! You’re acting like a crazy…

Shirley: Stop it!

Lainy: Enough! I’m not having an abortion! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Jesus, Shirley. I would. Kate has.

Fallon: My mom tried.

Shirley: Wait, so we’re having the baby! Keep it! Keep it!

Crowd: Keep it! Keep it!

Lainy: Stop it! Stop it! I’m not. I’m not having the baby. I’m not pregnant. I’ve been lying. I’m faking it.

Aside from abortion, the movie still had so many cringeworthy scenes and awful dialogue it makes you wonder how anyone thought any of it was a good idea.

After her breakup, Lainy is so depressed she can’t bring herself to teach her class of what appears to be middle school students. (Note the pride flag front and center in the room.)

What transpires is a prime example of the unfunny, inappropriate, and cringe-inducing “humor” that permeates most of the movie that most people found unamusing, “desperate,” and “wrong”:

Student: Ms. Newton?

Lainy: What?

Student: Do you want me to hand out the quizzes?

Lainy: No. It’s going to be an oral exam. I’m assuming you’re all familiar with oral, you little perverts. Brett! What is Romeo and Juliet about?

Brett: Oh, um, it’s a beautiful love story?

Lainy: (Makes loud buzzer sound) Wrong answer! Boo! Everyone boo Brett!

Class: Boo.

Lainy: Really boo him!

Class: Boo.

Lainy: Boo! Very naïve! Who was it? Ah, Liam. Yes, Liam, will you remind us what is Romeo and Juliet really about?

Liam: Romeo just wants a piece?

Lainy: Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! Right answer! Tell him what he’s won! A big, fat dose of reality, kids! Because guess what. Romeo doesn’t just want Juliet. No! Romeo wants p*ssy from all over fair Verona! And he wants a f*cking threesome with Moira?! Have you ever heard of Moira?

Student 2: What’s a threesome?

Lainy: A threesome… glad you asked this. Okay, everybody take notes because this is important. Get out your phone calculators or whatever else the f*ck you want. A threesome is when three people do what only two people should do.

Student 2: Like a seesaw?

Lainy: Exactly like a seesaw!

Yeah, we're not laughing either.

No amount of pro-abortion propaganda could save a movie this horrendous. You know a production is a huge failure when even the abortion-loving liberal outlets are tearing it to pieces. In our divisive political climate, this is apparently one thing liberals and conservatives can wholeheartedly agree on- this movie is “Netflix sewage.”