When talking to a friend, family member, partner or co-worker, you probably have your go-to ways of responding. Maybe you’re the “ride or die” person always on their side. Maybe you like to brainstorm solutions. Maybe you think critically about what they’re saying and consider other perspectives.

All of those have pros. But therapists also recommend another conversational style: “trampoline listening.”

The term was coined by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, the CEO and president, respectively, of a leadership development consultancy. In short, trampoline listening helps “amplify, energize and clarify” another person’s thinking.

Ahead, therapists explain more about what this is (and isn’t), the benefits and their best tips.

What Is ‘Trampoline Listening’?

“The term ‘trampoline listening’ is a pop psychology term that means to listen with intention and motivate the speaker through active listening, inspiring the speaker by clarifying their idea and constructively adding to the idea to make it better, and encouraging the speaker to accomplish a task through motivation,” said Jennifer Chicoine, a licensed therapist and mental health advocate.

It’s more than just hearing and affirming what a person says; it’s a way to build the discussion so it’s more helpful.

That’s essentially where the “trampoline” part comes in: It’s about “bouncing off of” the other person.

“A trampoline listener is someone who doesn’t just absorb what’s being said in conversation but actively engages in a way that elevates conversation, kind of like a trampoline bouncing energy back,” explained Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist, author, podcaster and researcher. “Instead of being a passive sounding board, they challenge ideas, ask thoughtful questions and help the speaker refine thoughts.”

But what does that look like in practice? For example, let’s say a friend feels stuck in their job but is afraid to make a change.

“I wouldn’t just sit there and go, ‘So you feel stuck and scared,’” said Cheryl Groskopf, a therapist who specializes in anxiety, attachment and trauma. “They just said that. Instead, I’d push the conversation forward.”

She shared three ideas for better responses:

• “Is the fear about making a change, or is it about what happens if it doesn’t work out?”
• “I get that. Stuck sucks. But do you actually want a different job, or do you just want to not feel like this anymore?”
• “Sounds like part of you wants something new, but another part is afraid of what that change might mean. What’s the hardest part of that for you?”

You can also take concrete actions. For example, let’s say a friend told you they’re divorcing their spouse.

“You would help them develop a plan to move forward in this transition, such as helping them search for apartments for rent, helping them move their stuff and even meeting up with them as they are going through this experience to support them emotionally, physically and spiritually,” Chicoine said.

The Benefits Of Trampoline Listening

A few major benefits of this style are increasing feelings of safety, comfort and trust.

“When people feel truly heard — not just nodded at, but actually understood and encouraged to go deeper — they feel safer opening up,” Groskopf said. “It builds deeper trust in relationships because the person talking feels both supported and challenged in a way that helps them grow.”

By not just giving them your solutions or forcing your ideas, you help them trust themselves more, she added — which will help long term, too.

So, this strengthens both individuals and relationships. “Trampoline listening can greatly improve intimate and familial relationships, friendships and co-worker relationships,” Chicoine said. “This form of listening can show the speaker that you are not only listening to their feelings, but you genuinely support their decision by encouraging their idea and even contributing to it.”

In other words, you show you understand, respect their autonomy and back them up.

Last but not least, feeling seen and heard can help us cope. “It can also improve the ability for us to co-regulate,” Kelley said.

It’s important to note that trampoline listening comes with nuances; many forms of listening and responding look like it, but aren’t — and they can be unhelpful. Those include active listening, like mentioned above.

“Active listening may feel like trampoline listening, but it actually isn’t as in-depth as trampoline listening,” Chicoine said. “To take one’s listening from active listening to trampoline listening, one is not only validating feelings, but they are also encouraging the idea that the speaker has and helping them develop a solution for the idea.”

Sponge listening, which is sitting and absorbing what someone says without offering anything meaningful, is also different. Cheerleading ― where you just offer motivation ― or going into problem-solving mode also aren’t part of trampoline listening.

Tips For Being A ‘Trampoline Listener’

Now that you know common mistakes to avoid, remember these therapist-backed tips to embrace:

Put away your electronics.

This is crucial during any conversation, but it’s worth adding here.

“It is incredibly important to follow if one wishes to utilize trampoline listening effectively,” Chicoine said.

Don’t listen with the intent to respond or argue.

You know those moments when you’re talking to someone and rather than listening closely, you’re thinking about how you want to respond? While all too easy, this isn’t helpful.

“Listen to understand and encourage,” Chicoine said. “As long as the choice the other person is making is not causing themselves or someone else harm, it is vital to remember that their decisions are just that: theirs.” Your role, she continued, is to support them.

You can guide them, though. “For example, if your 68-year-old mother wishes to retire and become a circus clown, help her figure out the first few steps to achieve this by asking her things like, ‘What do you think the first step is to get to where you want to be?’ rather than trying to talk her out of it or make her feel inferior because of her choice,” Chicoine continued.

Be mindful of what the other person is saying.

Kelley encouraged trying to be mindful and present. This can help the other person feel loved and connected, and it can help you know how to respond.

It’s easier said than done sometimes, though — and that’s OK. “If and when you notice yourself drifting, as we all do, be compassionate with yourself and just remind yourself to come back to the person in front of you,” Kelley said.

Don’t just ‘parrot’ what someone said.

Rather than repeating what the person said, go deeper.

“That validates their emotions but also nudges them to process further,” Groskopf explained.

Help them find their solutions.

Rather than telling the person what to do or assuming you know what’s best for them, guide them to what they believe is best.

Groskopf said you could ask open-ended questions, like “What’s another way to look at this?” or “If you weren’t afraid of failing, what would you want to do?”

“The goal is to help them uncover their own answers instead of feeding them your perspective,” she explained.

Balance validation with being challenging.

Too much comfort keeps people stuck, Groskopf said, but too much challenging can cause them to shut down. So, she encouraged a phrase like, “That totally makes sense. What’s one small step that feels manageable?”

This acknowledges the struggle, she said, while also helping the person move forward.

Mirror the other person.

Facial expressions, gestures and body language can also be great add-ons. Kelley encouraged mirroring the other person with your energy and expressions. This might look like leaning in when the other person leans in, looking frustrated when they’re frustrated or sharing their excitement.

Now, you’re ready to bounce into an effective, meaningful conversation.