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Huffington Post
HuffPost
3 Mar 2025


NextImg:Therapists Share The 1 Question They Would Ask On 'Love Is Blind' To Suss Compatibility
Can the right questions help you find the right person sooner? Therapists have thoughts. Above, Devin Buckley and Brittany Dodson chat in the pods of the latest season of "Love Is Blind."
COURTESY OF NETFLIX
Can the right questions help you find the right person sooner? Therapists have thoughts. Above, Devin Buckley and Brittany Dodson chat in the pods of the latest season of "Love Is Blind."

Every season on Netflix’s reality dating show “Love Is Blind,” we see people make the gamble of a lifetime by dating and getting engaged to people they have never seen in person. To decide who they will marry, contestants first enter pods where they cannot see each other, but they can ask revealing questions about their date’s dreams, past loves and politics.

On the latest season, set in Minneapolis, the conversations in the pods revealed deal breakers. For Brittany Dodson, for example, it was Devin Buckley’s discomfort with her past sexual experience with a woman that ended her attraction to him.

But some answers were not enough to end a relationship. Contestant Sara Carton did not like the fact that Ben Mezzenga didn’t vote and didn’t feel “one way or the other” about Black Lives Matter. But Ben promised they “will be on the same side” on social issues, and the pair ended up getting engaged.

What’s wild and entertaining about this dating experiment is how these wide-ranging conversations are the foundation for couples deciding whether or not to get engaged — and yet the couples on “Love Is Blind” often end up being wrong about their choices.

Although there are a rare handful of successful matches — shoutout to Lauren Speed and Cameron Hamilton — most “Love Is Blind” pairings end up crashing and burning before they make it to the altar, often because of fundamental incompatibilities. Is there any way these romantics could have prevented the fallout sooner by asking the right questions upfront in the pods?

HuffPost asked relationship therapists about the one question they would personally ask potential suitors in order to determine compatibility ASAP. Get out your gold goblets and notepads, and read what they had to say:

“What would your exes say if I asked them what it’s like to be in a relationship with you?”

“In the early stages of a relationship, it’s nearly impossible to predict what challenges you and a partner might face in the long term. This question allows you to transcend the limitations of new relationship energy by tapping into knowledge gleaned by someone’s past partners. The patterns we bring to relationships tend to repeat themselves regardless of who we’re with, so past behavior will likely be predictive of future dynamics.

You can also use this question to notice whether or not your date is willing to admit their flaws and take accountability, or if they have difficulty being honest about their imperfections. We’ve all made mistakes; choose a partner who can speak to where they’ve gone wrong and the steps they’ve taken to grow.” ― Casey Tanner, sex therapist and author of “Feel It All: A Therapist’s Guide to Reimagining Your Relationship with Sex

“What are two things that you’re personally working on to improve your ability to have great relationships with the most important people in your life?”

“This could help you weed out the narcissists because a narcissist’s answers will have very little humility or awareness of the need for them to evolve and grow. This really asks people to be vulnerable, and so that points out their capacity for honest communication. And finally, the ability and willingness to grow is probably the most important quality of all for sustaining love in a long-term relationship.

This [question] asks a lot of the other person, but ultimately you were going to be asking a lot of your partner throughout the course of your relationship so it’s more than fair!” ― Ken Page, licensed clinical social worker and host of “Deeper Dating” podcast

“What are you doing in life now that would make your future self proud?”

“This question allows you to learn if the person you are sharing time with is cognizant of their future and if they are currently contributing to who they want to be.

If they aren’t doing much, you should be able to suss out compatibility with their answer. If they are living [a] life that aligns with how you are or something you have [the] capacity to support, this question could be a great way to explore their way of thinking.

For example, if someone says they want an outdoors, active lifestyle, ‘hunting every weekend with their partner,’ and you know you aren’t any of those things ― red flag. We also have to understand, a red flag doesn’t mean ‘bad person,’ it means this person isn’t a reflection of what I want to include in my life. This could be religious beliefs, profession, communication style. For instance, if someone having a sense of humor is important to you, and you all never laugh together, red flag.” Justin Dodson, therapist specializing in working with men and couples

“What were the big and small differences that you and your exes had in your past relationships, and how did you handle those differences?”

“Although people focus on similarities ― and they are important ― compatibility comes down to how each partner manages the inevitable differences in their relationship.

This question will let you know the big differences, the potential ‘deal breakers.’ But most importantly, this would let you know their beliefs about differences and their communication style. If they believe you have to see eye to eye on everything, it would be a challenge to be in a relationship with them because you risk losing your identity and voice trying to be aligned with the other. There is also the risk that they would be rigid and would want things their way.

If they say that they ignored the issues, then that shows they avoid conflict, which can lead to dissatisfaction, disconnection and resentment.

I’ve been a couples therapist for almost 20 years, and the one thing that is a fact with the thousands of couples I’ve worked with is: you’re never going to be in a relationship with someone where you are completely aligned in everything. So if you’re single and dating, what’s important is how you handle those differences because they’re inevitable no matter who you’re with. Think of them as trade-offs that you have to make depending on the partner that you pick.”Anita A. Chlipala, marriage and family therapist

“How do you handle feedback given from your partner when they have an issue about you or the relationship?”

“If you and your partner are not able to be mindful of how your emotions and reactions play a role in how you handle disagreements within the relationship, it can create a negative cycle of disrespect, emotional distress and, in the long run, resentment toward each other.

[This question] allows an opportunity to evaluate if the person has the capacity to take accountability for any previous relationship mistakes and their willingness to grow as a person in order to be a healthy partner ... in order to determine [the] longevity of a relationship.

In addition, having the capacity to accept feedback from your partner demonstrates a commitment to being open to accommodate your partner’s needs.” Carla M. Avalos, licensed clinical social worker

“If someone were to write a book about your life, what would you want the title to be, and what would you want it to say about your legacy?”

“The answer someone gives to this question can reveal a lot about their core values and self-awareness, giving you a glimpse into what really matters to them. Their response can show how they approach relationships — do they see themselves as the hero of their own story? Are they open to change or ready for adventure?

In relationships, being in touch with and living according to your values is crucial for long-term compatibility. When both partners are clear on what matters most to them, they can tackle challenges together. Healthy relationships are built when both people actively bring their values to the table, instead of just reacting to whatever comes their way.” ― Nazanin Moali, psychologist, sex therapist and host of Sexology podcast