hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems like baby you are supposed to be a mental disorder please stay in your line

— ً (@soidoona) October 7, 2024

if you have a baby, you are legally required to dress them as moo deng for halloween this year. you have two babies? two moo dengs

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) October 7, 2024

she took the midnight train going anywhere?

not with americas limited rail network she didn't, she had pretty limited options

— Alison (@TradWife2049) October 10, 2024

skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. that’s the toddler injury

— Cat Elgarrista (@cat_elg) October 6, 2024

someone at the dog park said "good girl" and i looked

— jynx (@jynxbby) October 7, 2024

Tried to make a friendly comment about how I liked my neighbor’s very autumnal outfit, but I swerved too hard into friendliness, soared past over-familiarity, and landed on the arguably hostile “well if it isn’t Mr. Fall”

— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) October 10, 2024

Mean Girls day is Oct. 3, Rory Gilmore’s birthday is Oct. 8, Hallie and Annie from the Parent Trap are born on Oct 11. Huge two weeks for Millennial women, please respect our culture and that we may be especially busy this time of year.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 9, 2024

your birthday as an adult mainly consist of texting back "thanks!" to people you haven't talk to in 5 years.

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) October 6, 2024

looking forward to another week where all the stuff I want to accomplish depends on a sense of self-discipline and executive functioning I've never once possessed in my life

— Anjali (@AnjaliVBhatt) October 7, 2024

Why are you, a restaurant website, gatekeeping your online menu by making me choose delivery or pick-up, when I merely need to mentally rehearse my drive-thru order

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 10, 2024

Phenomenal opener to this junk mail pic.twitter.com/XxYIWhWDA2

— Cara Lisette (@CaraLisette) October 9, 2024

I like how CNN sees no problem with putting Anderson Cooper smack dab in the center of Hurricane Milton but somehow draw the line at letting him drink on New Year’s Eve

— Emily (@emilybernay) October 10, 2024

Might start signing off emails with ‘well I hope you’re happy’

— L (@Ann_Hedonia1) October 7, 2024

hate when you tell a hilarious story and then everyone’s like “omg im so sorry that happened to you?????” like get with the program honey we’re laughing about this

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 6, 2024

buying this for days when i wake up and want to feel like a cunty little head of lettuce. a diva under the supermarket spritzers pic.twitter.com/3NBXOvZqzJ

— sword gf (@punishedgarage) October 5, 2024

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make

— ???????????????? ???????????? ???????????????????? (@im_all_id) October 5, 2024

cute first date idea for under $50 pic.twitter.com/IVpEdNLxXx

— count dykecula ???? (@gothesbian) October 7, 2024

you turn 30 and the whole squad starts talking about taking magnesium

— sophie (@netcapgirl) October 10, 2024

This is exactly the outfit you wear when making Capri Suns from scratch pic.twitter.com/wsleCkgTzu

— Tres Tiffany (@trestiffany11) October 6, 2024

last night i was serving this 3 top (two guys and one lady) and on god every time one of the guys would get up to go to the bathroom she’d start making out with the other

— brecht apologist (@madisontayt_) October 6, 2024

The way I would be slapping a used sanitary towel down on that reception desk https://t.co/Nm3HZVB6Kj

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) October 7, 2024

starting conversations with short people by saying “back when i was your height…”

— e l l a (@blondehotcoffee) October 6, 2024

thinking about how my mom asked “well what about zayn you were obsessed with him” when trying to come to terms with me being a lesbian ????????????????

— mia! (@miakanaiko) October 6, 2024

me: (bleeding out) doctor please

gen z doctor: i don’t owe you anything

— trash jones (@jzux) October 10, 2024

Younger me HATED subtitles. But baby, NOW…Put that on please, I cannot hear ????

— Ayo Pierre ???????????????? (@Hotboii_GT) October 6, 2024

It was called “MapQuest” and we had to print the pages with directions to places before we left the house. pic.twitter.com/tNMmwL5pwG

— CleverlyChloé (@CleverlyChloe) October 9, 2024

i have an amount of dishes in my sink that only a strong edible and niche history podcast can fix

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) October 9, 2024

my main thought on JD Vance is that he would be easily outsmarted by Bugs Bunny

— Meg (@megannn_lynne) October 9, 2024

This is my Chewy box. This is not my cat. pic.twitter.com/YYNGvzf8Lj

— Kathy (@tortiegirl601) October 7, 2024

If I had a BF I’d take him to the office with me and let him do a coloring book while I work

— dew (@99percent_off_) October 6, 2024