5yo lost her first tooth. keeps calling herself “no-tooth”. whenever she walks into a room she announces her entrance with “uh oh, look out everyone, here comes no-tooth…” unbelievable bit to do on yourself

— kourtney (in hell) (@kourtneyinhell) March 2, 2025

My daughter and I were talking about personal safety and she said “well you don’t have to worry about being kidnapped anymore, no one wants a 36 year old”

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 2, 2025

Introducing my baby to Survivor tonight and warning him about all of the people who will act shocked this show is still on every time he mentions he's a fan.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) March 6, 2025

Every 27th email of the day from the school should include a discount code for couples therapy or a liquor store or both

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 3, 2025

I asked my 6yo to hang up the phone & he said ‘hang it where?’

I am ready for the old folks home.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) March 2, 2025

My 7yo has been pushing the boundaries on swear words lately, but he just announced that if he had a pet cassowary he would name it ass-owary, and I can’t even be mad

— meghan (@deloisivete) March 6, 2025

There's a huge difference in how sick my child is from the time he wakes up and says he doesn't feel well enough for school to right after I hang up the phone calling him in absent from school.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) March 6, 2025

If you enjoy waking up at ungodly hours on the weekend and not feeling your toes I can’t recommend putting your kids in hockey enough.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 2, 2025

Me: [buys six boxes of Girl Scout Cookies]

[Later]

Me [walking into house]: Hey I bought two boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 2, 2025

One day, you’re young and carefree. The next, you completely understand why your grandparents ate dinner at 4:00.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) March 3, 2025

Was already feeling like I wanted out of my life and then my third grader brought her unfinished homework to me at 8 pm on Sunday.

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 3, 2025