My daughter told me I’m too old to enter her fort so for the next hour I will be constructing the world’s best blanket fort and only those 30 and above are welcome

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 15, 2025

Asked my 7yo what he was looking forward to most about flying for the first time. He said riding around on the luggage carousel. I told him that's not a thing you do, and I'm really glad we had that talk before going to the airport.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) February 15, 2025

8yo, curious about sex: where do you do it?

me: uh, [preparing to draw a diagram]

8yo: like is there a place you go, like a special doctor's office,

— once and future wife geist (@wife_geist) February 19, 2025

9yo: I'm not grounded, you're grounded

me, goes in room and closes door: this is amazing

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 20, 2025

i cannot imagine my arm being more comfortable to sleep on than a cotton swaddle atop a cozy crib mattress. but such is the ongoing Mystery of Baby

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) February 15, 2025

me: it's bedtime

my 10yo: what would happen if everyone in the world farted at the exact same time?

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 16, 2025

My daughter asked me if I’ve heard of this cool graphic novel called THE BABYSITTERS CLUB and like, please girl I was there when the ancient tomes were written.

— Marissa ???????? (@michimama75) February 16, 2025

My kids love to tease me about my age.

I love to tease them by changing the wi-fi password.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 18, 2025

hey I'm making grilled chicken, roasted broccoli and Mac n cheese for dinner. C'mon over. I'm sure my kids won't touch it.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 19, 2025

I watched my kid tear open a pack of Fun Dip, dump the powder down his throat, and then just chomp the stick, if anyone has any good exorcist recommendations.

— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) February 15, 2025

School email: It’s fundraiser time! Please see the attached inform—

*delete*

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) February 15, 2025

Yall pray for me. Ain’t nothing wrong. Just took the kids to see Captain America and spent $43,000 on drinks, popcorn and nachos.

— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) February 18, 2025

Thought my 9yo had separated his extra candy into baggies to give as valentines to the neighbor kids, but no, he's trying to open a candy shop

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 15, 2025

After the kids went to bed my wife and I took a gummy and put on some black peel-off facial masks. A while later my daughter had a nightmare so I ran upstairs to soothe her. One look at me and she SCREAMED, which made me SCREAM, which woke my son up SCREAMING. What a trip, man.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 15, 2025

No one:
My kid: before you say anything, please don’t say anything.

— Maddy ????️ (@MadHatterMommy) February 19, 2025

I licked my finger to wipe something off my kid’s cheek, and suddenly a can of Tab appeared in my hand and Phil Donahue was on the TV

— redyellowgreendance ???????? (@RYGdance) February 15, 2025