I think my son planned a birthday party and didn't tell us. These neighborhood kids showed up with presents and came inside and now they're playing.

— Back-Up Tambourine Player (@UpTambourine) February 10, 2025

Reasons my daughter has gotten mad at me this week:
-I said her favorite YouTuber has a weird voice
-I said her outfit looks nice
-I bought off-brand pop tarts

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 9, 2025

“When those don’t fit you anymore, I want them”
-My 9yo daughter choosing violence

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 13, 2025

My 7yo asked if phones were invented so teenagers wouldn't have to drag giant TVs around, and I realized it's because he thinks phones are only for watching videos, and now I need to go lie down because I'm old

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 13, 2025

My older one turned 12 today! Looking forward to the easy peasy relaxing tween years

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 12, 2025

my three yo at the dinner table:

"notice how i'm not hitting OR screaming."

— emily may (@emilykmay) February 10, 2025

Someone gifted us some Berenstain Bears books and my husband said "we can read those but before we do, you should know upfront I have some issues with Lizzie."

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 9, 2025

The toddler said that she wants cornbread for her birthday so I'm canceling the paternity test

— Trey (@treydayway) February 12, 2025

PlayStation is down so it looks like my kids will have to go outsi- oh nevermind they found a different screen to play with.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 8, 2025

One thing they don’t tell you about being a parent is how much of your life you will spend sitting in the car waiting to pick up your kid.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 10, 2025

I used to put eggs in the trunk with the rest of the groceries but now that they are $9 a carton one of the kids can ride back there and the eggs can take a car seat

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) February 8, 2025

If you don't call your child by the wrong name multiple times in a row, are you really even a parent?

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 12, 2025

son: grandpa, can I have a sip of your coffee?

grandpa: no, it’s not good for a kid

son: because of the caffeine?

grandma: because of the whiskey

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 8, 2025

no one is actually paying $30,000 hospital bills after giving birth, right? you just get that bill in the mail and throw it in the trash, correct?

— mary morgan (@maryarchived) February 10, 2025

Me: My baby loves all the food I feed him, I must be such a good cook. He’s not picky at all ????

My baby: *willing eats a used tissue he found in the couch* ????

— Mandalynns23 (@mandalynns23) February 11, 2025

When my kid won't release me from watching youtube shorts pic.twitter.com/uuBLMnhOxs

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 12, 2025

Me: Just who do these little DOGE brats think they are? Shouldn’t they be in school?!

Also Me: *to my 9yo* Hey, I need your help, my phone screen is doing that freezy thing again.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 12, 2025