My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December instead of taking all these decorations out

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 1, 2023

Fairly sure most parole boards are more lenient than my wife in deciding who gets our holiday card.

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) November 28, 2023

My husband and I had a paper towel roll free-throw into the grocery basket competition at the store yesterday – one of the many reasons I know he's the one for me.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 1, 2023

My husband is a "let's do it later after a break" person and I'm a "complete the to-do list asap so you can actually relax" person and this is our constant struggle.

— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) November 28, 2023

My husband just started watching a Hallmark Christmas movie and he won't turn it off is there a hotline I can call

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 3, 2023

My wife hates when we spend money and I tell her how many McChickens we could have bought instead. She just rolls her eyes and pays our 160 McChicken electric bill.

— ???????? ???????????????????????? (@MoMohler) November 28, 2023

I'm not saying that my wife orders a lot from Amazon, I'm just saying that our Prime delivery driver has a permanent place setting at our dinner table.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 30, 2023

My husband bought a stud finder and didn’t put it to his chest to see if it works. Someone come take his dad card away.

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) December 4, 2023

“That’s horrible ! I’m never getting married !”

- My 9yo, after I told her my wife and I no longer surprise each other with gifts, we just tell each other what we want

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) December 4, 2023

Walmart say they accept competitor's coupons, but rejected me when I tried to use one for a 45 min back rub my wife gave me on my birthday

— Joel Jeffrey (@joeljeffrey) December 2, 2023

My husband watching Frasier on mute with subtitles on as to not wake me up while I sleep is true love but also kinda deeply unwell behavior

— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) November 29, 2023

A lengthy marriage becomes less about being in love and more about keeping your husband from seeing all the Amazon boxes

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) December 4, 2023

Me: She’s got 309k on her but new tires and I baby her. I think I’ll easily get 400k out of it before she dies.

My wife: My wiper blades are old. I need a new car.

— Oaks (@OakHill_) November 30, 2023

I caught my husband teaching our youngest to pronounce her last cute toddler words correctly, so I assume he’s telling me he’s ready for another kid

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 29, 2023

Got my husband a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I think he's going to be stoked.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 1, 2023

A couple should not marry each other until they set up a Christmas tree together.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) November 28, 2023

8YO: When did I get inside mommy's tummy?

Me: On June 9 2014, I made coffee at 4pm and for the first time in her life mommy saw me put the jar of sugar back in the cabinet, 4:04pm you were inside mommy’s tummy

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 30, 2023

Me: But it's Giving Tuesday.

Wife: Still no.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 28, 2023

Can't, in hot water with the wife for turning her new gravy boat into a eggnog boat.

— The Unknown Misfit (@TheSpotter8) November 29, 2023

How dare my husband steal the cold spots from my side of the bed while I’m in the living room procrastinating sleep.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) December 4, 2023