The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant — and succinct — wisdom. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up the most hilarious 280-character musings. To close out 2023, we’ve picked 50 of the funniest tweets from women this past year.
Scroll down to read some truly laugh-out-loud posts from some wonderful women. And sign up for our “Funniest Tweets of the Week” newsletter here.
I’m not gullible enough to be lured into a cult but I am nosy enough
— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) June 27, 2023
Love when nobody is at the airport but TSA still makes you go through the rope maze to get to them. Like yes go off I’m your little rat.
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) January 9, 2023
My Google Drive storage is full do you guys think I can delete my AP US History essays yet or will I need those
— Phoebe Bain (@notnotphoebe) January 23, 2023
"23 people have died in this house"
— Invis????♀️ (@invis4yo) November 9, 2023
Families in horror movies: pic.twitter.com/RU2erxD2Fy
Having a boyfriend is so awesome like there’s just a guy in ur house whose job it is to know where countries are and what exactly Watergate was
— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) February 20, 2023
my grandma has declared she is “93 and over it” and no one has the heart to tell her she is actually 102
— Amber Jamieson (@ambiej) January 28, 2023
The Evangelical girls in my class who weren't allowed to read "Harry Potter" because it "had witchcraft" now think they can cure measles with essential oils. Who is in potions class now, Gracelynn?
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) January 3, 2023
hosting one of my guy friends this weekend too. i have no idea how many beers to provide a 27 year old man. 20? 100? i feel like nasa with the tampons.
— grace holland???? (@thebiggestyee) November 15, 2023
I would love to go to sleep but I simply CANNOT until I figure out if this girl I barely know got divorced or not
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 16, 2023
don’t know if this guy meant gestures or just really likes miniature clowns pic.twitter.com/FBztBMzdmE
— ???????????????? ???????? ???????????????????????????? (@valkalrie) December 10, 2023
It Happened To Me: I DM'd a friend and asked why I haven't seen her online in a while and then I realized it's because I muted her.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) July 25, 2023
me rising from my edible coma to ask the flight attendant for a ginger ale in a clear, considerate voice that conveys gratefulness and respect pic.twitter.com/9TnDg9uZ5O
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 15, 2023
do tennis players know if they hit the ball a little gentler their friend could hit it back and they could play longer
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) March 19, 2023
The feminine urge to open a bookstore that is also a coffee shop and bakery and a flower shop
— ???????????????????????? | FREE PALESTINE (@tinybookbug) January 1, 2023
only children are so funny. you’re telling me you just hung around the house with two grownups all the time? like a little businessman?
— trash jones (@jzux) June 27, 2023
on extreme home makeover a kid would make a comment like “elephants are cool” & theyd be like “elephants are everything to this kid. theyre his passion. dude is an absolute freak for elephants. the room should look like he lives inside an elephant colon”
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) December 14, 2023
While we’re worrying about AI, the bollards are planning a global revolution pic.twitter.com/grhb3kYGPr
— Dr Helen Ingram (@drhingram) July 15, 2023
when my dentist gave me laughing gas for the first time i was so high i spent the appt thinking of how to impress her. the best i could come up with was asking her “do you see me as just a mouth and teeth or am i a person to you?” i was like this is so deep she’s gonna freak
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) September 26, 2023
It finally happened: someone asked me where the library was in Spanish. I’ve been training for this since high school.
— Abigail Higgins (@abbyhiggins) February 8, 2023
when the friend with the studio apartment hosts the hang pic.twitter.com/t2bQ0uQOMW
— chase (@_chase_____) October 3, 2023
My little dog needs a haircut so bad that whenever she raises her head she looks like a panicked scientist trying to warn the government that a storm of epic proportions is coming but NO ONE is taking her seriously
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) March 27, 2023
when me and the girlies meet up to talk about our dating lives https://t.co/5kk7v1PHpO
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) March 26, 2023
BECAUSE YOU ORDERED SOUP pic.twitter.com/L1oFLBnmcs
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) April 18, 2023
V funny that there’s a whole genre of journalism that’s just “I met this extremely charismatic and persuasive conman and it turns out?? They’re great!”
— Siobhan Thompson, striking multihyphonate (@vornietom) May 7, 2023
There’s a couple breaking up so loudly on the sidewalk in front of my house! He said WHO ARE YOU GONNA TAKE TO YOUR SISTER’S WEDDING NEXT WEEKEND? She said MOZZARELLA STICKS! Which is a valid and devastating blow.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) August 21, 2023
“so do you have any experience as a cashier?"
— picy (@picyluv) April 25, 2023
Me: pic.twitter.com/R0TZxMCVKx
used to work at a call centre, and the substitutes ppl use when they don’t know the phonetic alphabet are so funny. why did this man say C for Czechoslovakia
— yasmin (@ycsm1n) July 18, 2023
girls night conversation agenda pic.twitter.com/SxCQBtZWI9
— delia (@delia_cai) December 14, 2023
sure people start getting engaged, married and having kids, BUT something nobody truly prepares you for about your late twenties is how many of your friends start running marathons
— Annie Wu⸆⸉ (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) November 6, 2023
A lady just asked me am I proud to be celebrating the devils holiday. Ma’am I’m a banana. pic.twitter.com/4PwyYyLWhr
— The Devil’s Banana (@hiyaheaux) October 31, 2023
(flirting) if i was murdered would u solve my case?
— ???????????????????????? (@prettytheyswag) October 8, 2023
mom egot-ed today (commented on my weight, job, relationship and finances)
— mia not goth (@miasommar) December 9, 2023
i love when vets knock before they come into the room. like yes my dog is naked but she also arrived that way
— a goose (@nikkifranki) January 17, 2023
when my nephew says the bad word i taught him: pic.twitter.com/CWgp2ribhh
— ‘???? (@fairhurt) April 26, 2023
sorry i ruined the vibe by bringing up logistics until the plan was fully formed and feasible
— saint nick (@nickykens) July 20, 2023
I’m watching a show where the captions keep saying “indistinct” ….babe your job is to make it distinct for us are you quiet quitting
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) September 17, 2023
I’m in tears. This baker said she misread the customer text asking for a “Elmo” cake & instead made an “emo” cake but realized last minute & tried to improvise. Y’all ???????????????? pic.twitter.com/5aUW2z1LeQ
— I appreciate you. (@DeeLaSheeArt) May 4, 2023
i wish they sold off-brand cars ill get me a damn Honder
— mia (@_demiaa) June 13, 2023
Stages of plant ownership:
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 28, 2023
1. I’m going to take such good care of you.
2. Oh no.
?? Why would I have wanted a 4 x 6 mm print? Like why even have that option lol @cvspharmacy pic.twitter.com/Kr1wpPAUTf
— sixers smasey (@SMASEY) July 13, 2023
my husband has been taking sailing lessons and instead of putting it on our calendar like a normal person he prefers to stand up abruptly, stare out the window, and proclaim "I must go to the sea!"
— Adriana Porter Felt (@__apf__) July 30, 2023
The vet called my 7 yr old dog a “senior” today which is impossible because she’s just a baby?? like… she & i discuss it often abt how she is just a tiny little baby … ??
— Amanda Brooke Perrin (@brookeperrin) October 24, 2023
Every viral tweet now has like 9 followups from the author like:
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 24, 2023
My husband got me flowers!
I wanted to clarify my husband and I do equal housework
I did not know tulip farms were so bad for the environment, sorry
I apologize that this was insensitive to people with allergies
i couldn’t date someone british they’d be sick of me saying HARRY POH AH every time they spoke.
— gaia (@gaialect) November 28, 2023
Blue cross AND blue shield? seems a bit excessive
— abby govindan (@abbygov) December 4, 2023
…i do not have a cat pic.twitter.com/BLygexCdXq
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) September 28, 2023
if I didn’t watch the other Chiefs seasons can I jump right in with the Taylor Swift one or will I be lost?
— Alexa (@LexaDelRey) October 2, 2023
probably my favorite breakup story is that i ended things with a guy who had two eggs in my fridge & he went to the fridge & got the two eggs, one in each hand, glared at me, and left.
— sarah rose etter (@sarahroseetter) March 2, 2023
chris martin looks like a toddler named Rydyr at a pre-school that costs $50,000 a year pic.twitter.com/pijohbFnDj
— Dana Schwartz - on hiatus (@DanaSchwartzzz) February 6, 2023
waitress: are there any allergies at this table?
— kim (@KimmyMonte) November 17, 2023
me, already drunk: POLLEN
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