It seemed like any other evening when Nimisha Unadkat was getting ready to serve her daughter’s favorite dinner (homemade chicken and vegetable nuggets, a side of fruit). She walked over to her daughter’s playroom and asked her to put her dolls away and come eat.

But, as anyone who has spent a few hours with a toddler can attest to, transitions are hard. And simple requests can easily become high-octane power struggles in seconds.

So, yeah, your imagination can probably fill in the blanks with the crying, stomping crash-out that ensued.

Unadkat, of course, wasn’t oblivious to the world of tantrums — but the whole display still shocked her. She read plenty of parenting books while pregnant, heard stories from her mom friends and family members of their own kids’ greatest hits, and even saw random strangers’ kids lose it in public parks and grocery stores, upset over not getting whatever it was (the snack, the toy, the attention) they desperately wanted in the moment.

When a young child feels misunderstood, frustrated, hungry, tired or simply unable to get what they want, the resulting surge of emotions can be exhausting — both for them and their tiny bodies and for the caregivers who love them. However, tantrums actually represent a normal and expected part of early childhood development. According to the Mayo Clinic, unlike adults who generally possess the emotional regulation skills and autonomy to remove themselves from triggering situations, toddlers have limited language capabilities to express themselves effectively.

The good news is that as children develop more sophisticated language abilities that help them get those big feelings across, these episodes typically become less frequent and less intense. We asked child development experts to weigh in on how to identify, diffuse and even prevent tantrums to help toddlers (and their very tired caregivers) navigate this phase of development.

Identify The “Why” Behind The Tantrum

Toddlers can be difficult to decode. After all, this may be a new learning experience for both parent and child. Understanding the root causes of tantrums provides the foundation for addressing them effectively. As Seattle-based speech-language pathologist Asha Dore explains, the key to managing tantrums begins with the parents.

“The first thing all parents should do is maintain their own emotional regulation by taking deep breaths or humming. It’s important to lower your expectations, stay calm, and try to find the source of the issue,” Dore said, adding that caregivers need to find their own emotional equilibrium even if that means changing their environment before beginning the detective work of identifying what triggered their child’s outburst.

This might involve analyzing environmental stressors, noticing patterns in behavior, considering physical needs like hunger or fatigue, or acknowledging emotional needs like connection, jealousy or autonomy. Unadkat, ultimately, opted to respond to her daughter’s dinnertime scenario in a calm manner. Often, a simple change, like walking into a different room, or giving your child a hug or kiss, can help both parent and distressed child reset.

In the end, she said she remained composed, tried to divert her daughter’s attention to something else and then gave her a hug, explaining that she only took the toy away because it was dinnertime.

“Children have big emotions over things they are trying to figure out and understand,” Unadkat said, “so I try to be really patient and explain what happened, while reminding her I am her comfort and love her.”

Disrupting And Diffusing The Tantrum

While some meltdowns seem impossible to predict or prevent, child development experts offer several effective approaches that can transform these challenging moments into opportunities for growth and praising good behavior.

Jocelyn M. Wood, a bilingual speech-language pathologist practicing in Brooklyn, New York, emphasizes the power of offering choices when you sense a tantrum brewing. This simple strategy addresses what often lies at the heart of toddler frustration: a perceived lack of control.

“Most tantrums occur because your toddler feels their autonomy is being limited in some way,” Wood explains. “By offering a choice, you can give them back some of that independence.”

For instance, rather than insisting a reluctant child put on shoes before heading outside, try presenting options when possible: “Would you like to wear your sneakers or your boots today?” This acknowledges their developing sense of self while still achieving the same outcome.

Jenny Best, founder of Solid Starts, applies this same principle to food-related tantrums, which are particularly common during the toddler years. If a child resists eating apples at snack time, offering a choice between apple slices and applesauce creates what Best calls a “micro choice” that can prevent a full-blown meltdown.

“Creating micro choices when first giving your child the food can often head off a tantrum entirely. Plus, it’s more fun. Toddlers like to be in charge.” Additionally, at mealtimes, Best recommends making space for disappointment while encouraging problem-solving without pressure. When children express frustration about not getting their preferred foods, she suggests redirecting through playful engagement: “Oh! I caught four beans on my fork. I bet no one can catch as many as I can!” This positive reinforcement through play can halt potential conflict.

For tantrums already in progress, speech pathologist Cassidy Anderson recommends an unexpected approach that has gained significant attention online: whisper. In a TikTok video with over 72,000 views, Anderson demonstrates how dramatically changing your vocal volume can interrupt the tantrum cycle.

“By changing the volume of your voice, you help their brain and nervous system register differently,” she explains, “which helps them snap out of their overwhelming emotions.”

Jayna Mistry put whispering into practice. One afternoon while she was cooking, her 4-year-old asked her to play with him, but she was busy. After asking several times, she told him politely that she needed a little bit of extra time before she could join him, but he stomped off to his playroom and had an outburst. Once she was done with her task, she went over to him, picked him up and whispered how her hands were full when he first asked, but that she had the capacity to play with him now.

“Being calm and whispering helps because two people cannot be angry at the same time. Also, yelling at them in the heat of the moment is counterproductive,” Mistry adds.

Visual supports provide another effective intervention strategy. Wood suggests keeping picture cards of commonly requested items, such as favorite snacks or comfort objects like teddy bears, readily available to help children communicate needs when words fail them during emotional moments. This might require planning ahead to keep the child occupied if a tantrum occurs in public. Alternatively, shifting to a physical activity like jumping can help reset an overwhelmed nervous system by providing a constructive outlet.

Turning Tantrums Into Teachable Moments

When you are fighting for your life and facing multiple tantrums a day, it might be impossible to remain composed at all times or see these moments as lessons.

Experts suggest that rather than rushing to distract a child during these “big feelings,” allow the tantrum to run its course while maintaining a supportive presence. This demonstrates that all emotions are acceptable, even when certain behaviors aren’t.

After the tantrum diffuses, engage in age-appropriate conversation about what happened. These post-tantrum conversations become powerful teachable moments to help the child build emotional intelligence and to prevent them from developing destructive behavioral habits.

“Language is amazing because we can use it to show that we care about what’s important to the child, even if we don’t change our minds about the rules we want them to follow,” Dore said. “Besides, moments of repair and connection can have a profound and lasting effect.”