In the car, me: “That’s the parking spot where I picked up daddy from the train and told him I was pregnant!”
9: “And then you guys drove to the hospital to get a baby?”

— redyellowgreendance ???????? (@RYGdance) January 27, 2023

My 6yo recently asked how babies get inside a mommy’s tummy, and since I was not quite prepared to have this talk at his age, I told him babies come from seeds. Now both of my kids are convinced that I ate two baby seeds.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) August 20, 2021

My 7 year old asked mom where do babies come from.
My 9 year old son said “these white looking tadpoles are the reason why”
My wife: “Emmy you were grown in a lab. They took my eggs and dad coughed up a tadpole”
Alex “that explains why Emmy is crazy. She was grown in a lab”

— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) June 18, 2024

My daughter asked if babies come from Walmart and I was like pretty much.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 27, 2024

My 6yo learned a new word today. And that word is pregnant. And I know this because he apparently told multiple people I was pregnant.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) August 30, 2024

Me: *listing who will be at a baby shower this Sunday*
6: Wait, WAIT! All this just to see a baby take a bath?
Me: no! The baby isn’t born yet!
6: {terrified} so everyone ELSE showers… TOGETHER?!?!
Me: No! Shower means celebration.
6: yeah, no thanks.
Me: it’s a PARTY!
6: nope.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) October 14, 2021

6yo: but how do babies get in your stomach?

10yo: they just do!

6yo: so like God just sends you a baby!?

10yo: it worked for Mary!

No notes.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 11, 2024

no one:

absolutely no one:

my six year old: are you having a baby or something?

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 8, 2023

Wife: Guess what kids... we’re having another baby!

8: Does this mean you two had sex last night?

Wife:

8:

Me, helping: No, we had sex 6 weeks ago

— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) June 19, 2021

my kid told me he wanted to shove money in my mouth so he could have a baby brother and now I’m wondering what kind of smut he’s been watching on the Disney channel

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) June 13, 2021

8YO: When did I get inside mommy's tummy?

Me: On June 9 2014, I made coffee at 4pm and for the first time in her life mommy saw me put the jar of sugar back in the cabinet, 4:04pm you were inside mommy’s tummy

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 30, 2023

I was reading to my kids today and in the story, there was a pregnant woman.

My 3 year-old asked, "What happened to her belly?"

I replied, "There's a baby in there."

3 was horrified; "She ate a baby?!"

Sensing a good opportunity, I said "Yes."

Sleep well tonight, kid.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 7, 2019

Me: When I was pregnant I had an app that told me what size fruit you were every week.

8: Oh. Now I’m probably the size of 868 blueberries.

— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) November 3, 2018

A pregnant woman walks past our car with 4 other children trailing behind.

Me: Can you imagine having 3 more siblings?
10yo: Nope!
….Silence….
10yo: She must have A LOT of sex.
Me: (Looks at 10yo in rear view mirror)
10yo: Like, A LOT!!

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) June 23, 2021

Today a student asked me what baby fever was. She thought it was an old timey childhood illness

— Harvest Season Hannah ???????????????????? (@HannahPosted) October 3, 2024

We did that thing where the new baby brings the older kids a present when they arrive and both kids were suspicious about where the toys came from since he’s been in my body this whole time and they concluded that the baby’s been working with santa

— amil (@amil) March 10, 2024

7: Mom, I have a question. When your belly gets big because you’re going to have a baby, after the baby is born does your belly just go back immediately to how it was before?

Me: Oh sweet summer child.

— Shematologist, MD (@acweyand) January 25, 2024

My 8yo and 6yo keep rewinding and pausing the Surprise Bluey episode to see who that baby at the end belongs to. It is almost 10 pm. They have some theories, and it's getting wild.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 28, 2024

7: “You know what’s good about my teacher being pregnant? Every time we say something smart in school, it goes into my teacher’s ears and then into the baby’s ears and makes the baby smart.”

— redyellowgreendance ???????? (@RYGdance) April 7, 2023

{making dinner}
7: *holds up bottle* what’s in this oil?
Me: olives
7: this one?
Me: avocados
7: this?
Me: peanuts

{two days later, in the bathroom}
7: ummmm, mom?
*holds up bottle of baby oil*

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) July 17, 2020

Wasn’t ready to tell my daughter where babies come from til I overheard her brother saying they came from my butt.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 5, 2023

3yo: Were you a child when I was in mommy’s tummy?

me: No, you didn’t even exist yet

3yo: Where was I when I didn’t exist?

me: You weren’t anywhere, we hadn’t made you

3yo: Oh

3yo: But then I found a skeleton

3yo: And I filled around it with water

3yo: And I put skin on it

— Matt Bateman (@mbateman) August 28, 2023

13yo: if two pregnant women are fighting, is that like two fetuses having a mech battle?

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 5, 2024

My kid nailed this picture of a pregnant woman pic.twitter.com/GC1q8WJPYT

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 22, 2023

6yo: mom, where did the first baby come from?
me: I’m not really sure. some people have theories
6yo: maybe Amazon

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 27, 2022

Me to my 11 yo: Thanks for making me a mom 11 years ago.

11 yo: No. Thank dad for having sex with you.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) July 28, 2020