Nobody can throw a wrench into your resolutions — or demonstrate the absurdity of trying to make them — quite like your own child.
Here, some of the funniest parents on X (formerly Twitter) wax oh-so-honestly about what it means to make New Year’s resolutions when you have kids, and what it is that kids think the word “resolution” means.
Had a talk with the kids at dinner about New Year’s resolutions but I guess the 6yo doesn’t quite grasp the concept because she went around the table and told each of us what SHE thinks WE should do better and…..you guys I think she might be onto something.
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) January 2, 2024
???? Kids New Year’s resolution?
— ExplodingPossum (@ExplodingPossum) January 1, 2024
Make dad build a new bed ????????
Thanks kid… that’s not how this works
[January 1st]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 1, 2022
My wife's resolution to yell at the kids less takes a very bad turn.
Anonymously I asked kids (aged 6) to write new years resolutions. Here are some favorites...
— George Pointon (@GeorgePointon_) January 4, 2022
"Eat more butter"
"Build a mud hut"
"Learn to drive"
"Try my hardest at everything but not maths"
"Make a new language"
"Invent Google"
for 2024 i've made a resolution to be the parent i always thought i'd be before i had kids. the first step will be getting rid of the kids.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 2, 2024
A mom’s New Year resolutions:
— yelisa (@beingyelisa) December 29, 2017
Less pants, more leggings, and a heck of a lot more pajamas.
Taught my son about New Year’s resolutions. He resolved to be a giraffe.
— The Dad (@thedad) December 31, 2018
I thought about setting a New Years Resolution to never yell at our kids.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) January 1, 2020
But I changed it to losing 50 pounds, training a baby elephant to read Shakespeare, and running a 100 mile ultramarathon while wearing a Donald Duck costume.
Because I want the goal to be attainable.
Me: [Explained New Year’s resolution to Kid #1] Have one?
— Rebecca (@fosterhood) January 2, 2021
Kid #1: Yes, to do better at math-
Me: Wow! Wasn’t expecting that.
Kid #1: So I can go to college, buy a big house & be my OWN BOSS & do what I WANT.
My toddler’s New Years resolution is to push every button, beep every beep, and make me lose the last shreds of sanity, patience, and scalp hair that’s left to me.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) December 31, 2019
Happy New Year my ass.
New Years Resolutions last week: Drink less, Get fit, Spend more time with my kids.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 14, 2020
New Years Resolutions this week: Spend less time drinking around my fit kids.
My 8yo told me her New Year’s resolution is not to step on anthills if anyone needs a lesson in realistic goal-setting.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 13, 2018
Went shopping and asked my 4 year old if he could please make it an easy trip and he replied “I WILL NEVER MAKE IT EASY!” so I guess his New Year’s resolution is to get into resistance training.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 15, 2019
Me: My new years resolution in 2020? I'm gonna try and be more patient and understandin-
— The Dad (@thedad) January 2, 2020
Kid: my spaghetti touched my corn
Me:
Kid: I need new spaghetti
Me:
Kid: and corn
Me: 2021 will be a new me
on the bus.
— Kate (@katestark) December 3, 2019
kid 1: my new years resolution is to be less annoying
kid 2: good luck with that
kid 1: yeah, it’s gonna be a toughie.
same, tbh.
Today I told Jack that his New Year's resolution should be to not kick daddy in the face quite so often.
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) December 31, 2017
He laughed.
So I'm not feeling hopeful with that one.#NewYearsResolutions
Discussing New Year’s resolutions with the kids and my 4-year-old’s resolution is “face painting.” I believe in her.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 1, 2024
If my kids made New Year’s resolutions they’d look something like this:
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 31, 2022
Convince mom to turn off screen time
Annoy siblings more often
Ask for money at least twice a week
Convince mom that roblox is educational
Eat more chicken nuggets
Ask WHY in a whiny voice everyday
We’re testing out an early New Year’s celebration for the kids, changed the clocks to 3 hours ahead. Wish us luck, because nothing says “New Year’s Resolution” quite like beginning 2024 with a lie.
— Matt Loveless (@MattLoveless) January 1, 2024
My husband asked if I had a new year’s resolution and I told him it was to not yell at the kids and then we both fell about laughing
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) January 1, 2021
One New Years resolution was to limit the Ali Household Lego collection. My in laws and their kids are visiting. Like my son, they are Lego fans. Today, Lego received an entire new year's haul of fresh sets.
— Wajahat Ali (@WajahatAli) January 1, 2023
Annnnnd one resolution already broken by noon. Sigh. The day is young.
I suppose you can never be too young to make New Year's resolutions.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 3, 2021
Today, my 3 year-old had a tantrum because his waffles were too fluffy & I guess he's determined to be my 2nd favorite kid.
Asked the kids what they thought my new year's resolution should be, and the 8yo said "You should dance more," so that's mine. ???? ????#mumlife
— Ellie Hawkes (@elspells13) December 31, 2023
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