My son told me I ruined hannukah--which is particularly impressive of me considering that we're not Jewish and dont observe the holiday.

— martha dumptruck ???????? (@sa1martha) January 6, 2022

December dilemma solved: celebrate 4 nights of Hannukah if your kid is half Jewish.

— Teresa Strasser (@teresastrasser) December 2, 2010

Oh great, my child has finally moved on from that annoying television show he was obsessed with…immediately after I already bought all of the annoying television show-themed hannukah gifts.

— Robyn Caplan (@robyncaplan) November 30, 2023

Me; “What did you get Dad for #Hannukah?”

14yr old; “Well, Y’know how he’s always stressed out?!”

Me; Yeah...

14yr old; Well, I got him stress balls that come in a ballsack”

— tara strong (@tarastrong) December 1, 2018

Me: Hey kiddo, there’s an Easter egg hunt in the neighborhood. Want to go?

5 year old daughter: Um, aren’t we Hannukah people?

— Andrew Gross (@grossap) April 11, 2022

happy “oh fuck do i have hannukah candles??!?” to all those who celebrate

— leigh (@daughter_ion) December 18, 2022

Lyrics to the song my daughter is making up and singing to herself in bed:

Hannukah
Hannukah
You don’t have to go potty at Hannukah!
Flush and wash
Hannukah!

— Michael Meir Saltzman (@JustAddSaltz) August 22, 2022

To those who wonder about the eight nights of gifts during Hanukkah and if we really do get eight nights of presents...

This only happens when you’re a kid and, yes, one of those nights will involve socks and underwear as the present.#hannukah

— Meredith (@meralee727) December 23, 2019

It's a Hannukah miracle: one kid gets the sniffles & the entire family is sick for eight days.

— Michael Grunwald (@MikeGrunwald) December 18, 2014

I though 10yrs would be a good age to play The Hannukah Song by Adam Sandler to my daughter. She didn’t find it amusing. Now I’m sad because she has to live somewhere else. Anyone looking for a child with a sense of humor that sucks?

— JudgyPantsJesse (@JesseeWeirdo) December 23, 2019

TEACHER: "Alright kids, I'm thinking of something that has to do with Christmas..."
KID: "HANNUKAH!!!"#shitkidsatmyworksay

— Dee ???? (@nerdeebirdee) December 14, 2017

Being a Jewish kid of divorce can't be all bad. You get 16 hannukah's.

— zach reinert (@zachreinert0) July 4, 2017

kids are sending me a hannukah/xmas list... item by item to me via messenger... Lord help me cause the dinging is perpetual.

— gigachoad.eth ???? 2693.eth (@CluelessMaven) November 30, 2023

Hannukah means my targeted advertising is mostly targeted at my kid and, huh, maybe I do want a "rollercoaster engineering kit."

— Robyn Caplan (@robyncaplan) November 29, 2023

Convo with my almost 5 year old:
Me: Because we’re Jewish, we get some different holidays.
Kid: Like what?
Me: Like Hannukah.
Kid: And Halloween!
Me: Well, no.
Kid: And Christmas!
Me: Not in the way you think.

Definitely going to have to circle back to this conversation.

— Andrew Gross (@grossap) October 28, 2021

The kids have a new toy whose batteries already died.

Then they tried turning it on and it worked for several more hours.

They have proclaimed this as some sort of modern day miracle.

Like Hannukah.

But with toy batteries.

????

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 17, 2018

It’s the first night of Hannukah tonight but our first miracle came this morning. Our 2-year-old and 4-year-old played together for two full hours, without a single scream, argument, or conflict needing parent intervention.

— Sheera Frenkel (@sheeraf) November 28, 2021

2nd grader: what are you doing this weekend Ms. Merdinger?

Me: decorating my house for Hannukah.

2nd grader: oh right cause you’re jermish?

Me: yep. cause im jermish.

— Carly (she/her) (@Carly__Dana) December 1, 2023

Some nights of Hannukah I really phone it in. Like night 2 when I gave the kid a pen with a koala lid. The woman at the store thought it was for me and congratulated me on choosing a pen no one could steal at the office w/o getting caught. Anyway tonight I rocked it. ????

— Gina Kaufmann (@GinaKCMO) December 3, 2021

Whenever I make cupcakes my kid pretends it’s one of her doll’s birthdays. We lit a candle and sang them happy b-day and when ruby blew out the candle she goes, “Wow! It’s smells like Hannukah in here!” ????

— E Sobes (@mrsdankweiler) January 23, 2022