Dads on father's day: let's go do something as a family!
Moms on mother's day: Can everyone just not talk to me today or touch me.

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) May 9, 2016

At my daughter’s preschool, they made Father’s Day cards shaped like tool boxes. But if someone gave me like, a dishwasher-shaped card on Mother’s Day, I’d be pissed.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 17, 2018

Husband, “What’s our Father’s Day plans?”
Me, “Cookout? Watch golf?”
H, “So the usual?”
Me, “Well it’s not like it’s Mother’s Day.”
H...
M..
H..
M..”Episiotomy.”
H, “You right.”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 15, 2018

Me on Mother’s Day:
All I want is time away from our family.

Me on Father’s Day:
You can have anything you want, except time away from our family.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) June 16, 2018

Mothers: “This whole weekend is considered Mother’s Day so pamper me!”

Also Mothers: “You can celebrate Father’s Day from 2:30 to 2:35pm”

— The Walking Dad (@RealDMK) May 13, 2018

Moms don't cook on mother's day but dads grill on father's day? Moms for the win with that psychology.

— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) June 17, 2018

My wife said that for Father's Day I should plan an outing for just me & the kids. Hmmm...this is exactly what we did for Mother's Day too.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) June 6, 2013

It's weird the way Father's Day is twice as long as Mother's Day.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) June 18, 2017

mother’s day cards: you raised me ♥️ you cooked for me ???? you loved me ????

father’s day cards: happy birthday or whatever, fart idiot

— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 12, 2024

Why is it we pamper Moms on Mother's Day but on Father's Day we get Dad a mower and put his ass to work in the yard?

— Darin Loves Bacon (@darinlovesbacon) May 10, 2015

Mother’s Day v. Father’s Day ???? pic.twitter.com/uljjwIHIok

— Mekka Don (@MekkaDonMusic) June 14, 2018

I love that Mother's Day is before Father's Day. This way, my husband sets the bar for how we'll celebrate him next month.

Spoiler alert: He's getting a card, the kids will make him burnt toast and I'll be taking a nap.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) May 18, 2020

Daycare Mother’s Day vs Father’s Day celebration songs:

Mom - gave them all their wonderful features.

Dad - he gets the family lost in the car for hours because he won’t ask for directions.

— Rob Fonseca (@rmf0938) June 8, 2018

Mothers Day:
Here are flowers and breakfast in bed, don’t lift a finger, it’s your day!

Father’s Day:
We thought it would be fun if you grilled everyone dinner, also here is a Home Depot gift card so you can finally hang those shelves.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 16, 2024

One difference between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is you won’t see a bunch of women buying cards at the grocery store on Father’s Day because they waited until the last minute.

— B. Miller (@BlaiseInKC) June 16, 2024

mother’s day is great but i also try to make father’s day all about me as well.

— kim monte (@KimmyMonte) May 9, 2018