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In a stunning milestone for diversity, the first flesh-eating screwworm infested human entered the United States from either Guatemala, El Salvador or some other downtrodden country.
The widely misunderstood ‘New World Screwworm Fly’ is a mostly peaceful parasite whose females lay eggs in open wounds and their larvae, referred to intolerantly by some as ‘maggots’, then use their sharp mouth hooks to eat their way through the host, while feeding on his tissues in what some DEI experts are calling a pointed critique of rapacious capitalism.
The United States had eradicated the screwworm fly after WWII, reducing the nation’s fabulous diversity of flesh-eating parasites, until open borders with Latin America, where this intriguing fly still coexists with the indigenous population, welcomed its return to our shores.
America’s imperialist boycott of the People’s Republic of Cuba, where screwworm infestations are endemic and there are thousands of cases in animals each year, delayed the inevitable remigration but ongoing travel from countries with Cuban-backed guerrilla movements helped hasten the first triumphant return of the first human infested with screwworms to the U.S.
Several months ago, the USDA had intolerantly blocked cattle imports from Mexico after screwworms were detected in that country, but the screwworm, like so many of the migrants and refugees crossing our border in search of a better life, refused to let our racist policies stop it from living its American Dream by coming to our country and laying eggs inside of us.
Some ‘MAGA’ types and radical right wingers are railing against the prospect of the severe pain, swelling fever and secondary infections caused by the highly sensitive flesh-eating parasite, but their crude stereotyping of this latest migrant to cross our border shows their hateful ignorance.
So many of us have forgotten that our ancestors also came here with a dream to lay eggs inside unwary mammals. They faced intolerance because of their flesh-eating customs until society became more tolerant of their ways. And then they forgot their own struggles to fit in. So it’s our duty to extend our hand (and other available body parts) in welcome to these newest arrivals.
Yes, there are certain risks in taking the screwworm to our bosom and integrating her into our society, but those are the same risks which we took when we opened our doors to the world. But the greater the risk, the greater the reward. The future of America will not come from here, but from out there. And we must not forget that today’s hungry screwworm is tomorrow’s CEO.
There are some who are afraid, but being infected by flesh-eating parasites is the price we pay for diversity. We want to live in cities with dozens of ethnic cuisines and people who mow our lawns for less than the price of a Venti Matcha Latte at Starbucks, but we can’t have that without also accepting the terrorist bombings, machete beheadings and horrifying parasitic infestations.
The best way to deal with the screwworm is not to resist it, but to welcome it into our hearts (or hopefully less vital organs), to learn about its unique traditions and non-judgementally resettle it in vulnerable communities around the country. The screwworm is just the latest immigrant to burrow into the body politics of our nation and once we’ve paid the price, we will be better for it.
Elected officials and experts should be dispatched to reassure (and shame) the public out of any irrational prejudices it may have over being devoured from the inside by invasive freeloaders. PBS should feature documentaries about how well and deeply screwworms are integrating into local communities in communities and states we don’t live and couldn’t be paid to set foot into.
And any acts of intolerance against screwworms must be met with immediate documentaries.
Since the screwworms are used to eating flesh, there may be some initial unpleasantness, but it is nothing that we cannot overcome if we make the conscious choice to sacrifice someone else’s children or livestock on the altar of diversity. Anything else would be a betrayal of our most deeply held values to let our fear for our tender flesh stand in the way of social justice.
Like so many refugees, the screwworms come from a troubled part of the world. They have been the victims of generations of imperialistic programs funded by American taxpayers to eradicate them. Their resentments are understandable. That is why we must stand with the screwworms and for the screwworms (but preferably not too close to the screwworms) so they can live free from fear of persecution in even the reddest state and vote for the Democrats.
With 300 screwworm larvae hatching from one egg, the flesh-eating parasites will soon form an invincible bloc that can turn every state into California in under a year. All we have to do is make sure that hundreds of mail-in ballots are promptly directed to whichever host they have infested.
And we really don’t need to worry. Much.
Screwworm infections in humans are mostly non-fatal (with the exception of a gentleman in Costa Rica last year) because the screwworms are not here to kill us, only feed off us and use us to nurture whole families of flesh eating parasites who will only wipe us out when they reach sufficient numbers to take over America. Until then, we have almost nothing to worry about except the occasional radicalized ‘lone wolf’ screwworms who will prematurely try to eat us.
And there is so much we can learn from the screwworms.
When America eradicated the screwworm (just like it tried to eradicate anyone who was at all ‘different’), we lost a vital part of our ecosystem. Instead of listening to nature, we tried to control it only to discover that Mother Earth always finds a way to overcome our western patriarchal science. Now we have the opportunity to atone for our crimes against the screwworm. This time instead of trying to wipe out the screwworm, we can learn from the screwworm how to live in harmony with the natural world. By embracing ecological diversity, we can find inner peace.
And also get in touch with our inner parasites.
We have much in common with the screwworm. Like us, screwworms love their children and try to find the best possible home for them whether it’s an Ivy League college or a ghastly wound, and they stay there until they exit with a PhD in gender studies twenty years later. Like us, screwworms form a parasitic relationship with the taxpaying host and can’t be stopped from eating him alive through any means short of sharp pliers or government defunding.
Also, like us, the only way to defeat the screwworm is to drop large numbers of sterile males to interfere with their reproductive cycle by telling them that children are bad for the planet.
The arrival of the first human infested by screwworms has reopened debate about the virtue of open borders or border security. Some say that if we had secure borders, we wouldn’t have to worry about cartels or flesh-eating parasites, but such thinking is woefully shortsighted.
The future begins with each of us. We must lower our walls, open our doors and welcome our new neighbours to our shores. And one day, as we pass our neighbour, the screwworm, and the screwworm’s daughter, who runs a government nonprofit for screwworms, and the screwworm’s 300 sons who are all on welfare, we can be proud of ourselves, our ethics and our humanism.
In this way, the flesh-eating parasite will become our friend, the flesh-eating parasite.
Each step forward that we take, each screwworm with a useless degree, each screwworm on TV and each screwworm in the school that our sons and daughters attend is a triumph for our deepest values and ideals. They remind us that our civilization, our cultural heritage and our lives are worth nothing if they are not put at the service of our fellow screwworms.
Today a screwworm applies for refugee status. Tomorrow a cannibal rat will be President.