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Life in the Islamic Republic of Iran is hellish enough as it is, but if its hapless citizens want even more, they can line up at the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps’ hellish new theme park, which is designed to give visitors an up-close and personal experience of the torments of hell. Hey, what could be more fun on a leisurely late spring afternoon?
Iran International reported Tuesday that the exhibit is meant to “offer a visceral experience of the afterlife—particularly the torments of hell.” If it’s remotely realistic, this place could be more than a little hair-raising, as the Qur’an dwells lavishly and repeatedly on the torments of hell, saying: “Indeed, we have prepared fire for unbelievers. Its tent encloses them. If they ask for showers, they will be showered with water like molten lead that burns their faces. Calamitous the drink and evil the resting-place.” (18:29)
Wait, there’s more: “But as for those who disbelieve, garments of fire will be cut out for them, boiling fluid will be poured down on their heads, by which what is in their bellies, and their skins too, will be melted, and for them are hooked rods of iron.” (22:19-20) And: “Indeed, those who disbelieve our signs, we will expose them to the fire. As often as their skins are burned up, we will exchange them for fresh skins, so that they may taste the torment.” (4:56) There is much more of this sort of thing, but you get the idea.
Meanwhile, if any curious visitors actually come to Heaven Time expecting a glimpse of Islamic paradise, there is also a portion of the park devoted to that, but it is a trifle underwhelming: “The nearly barren pavilion features a patchy lawn, a narrow pond meant to represent paradise’s milk and honey streams, and a few scattered potted plants—leaving many visitors unimpressed by its aesthetics or spiritual feel.”
One thing that renders both paradise and hell unimpressive at this Iranian theme park is the absence of babes. Islamic hell, especially in the Islamic Republic of Iran, should be filled with women who dared not to cover their heads. In 2022, Iranian dissident Maryam Mazrooei recalled her childhood in Iran: “When I turned nine, I was close to the age of puberty and it was time to observe religious obligations. I was taught that if a man saw my body, it was me who would be burned in hell, where I would be hung by each strand of hair that had been visible.” Yet lecherous Iranian men who visit the park hoping to ogle unveiled women will be disappointed. One visitor remarked bitterly: “There wasn’t a single unveiled woman in the hell that you built at so much cost. All these years you said unveiled women would go to hell, but none is to be seen there now that you have built a display of hell.”
Paradise, likewise, is bereft of houris, the famous heavenly virgins who are described in the Qur’an as “large-breasted women of equal age” (78:33). Depicting paradise as the Qur’an depicts it would be more gentleman’s club, as they’re called in the West, than heavenly choir, and that was apparently a bridge too far for Iranian authorities. So parkgoers will have to content themselves with those lovely potted plants.
All in all, Heaven Time sounds like a big disappointment: hell is not as hair-raisingly scary as the Qur’an depicts it, and the park’s sad paradise is far from the eternal Las Vegas of Islamic tradition. Iranians will have to content themselves with living through the hell of daily life in the Islamic Republic.