The exact definition of sugar-free, zero calorie and vegan may be in dispute. But when you get ousted as the nominee by your own party and then have to pardon your own son after he was caught with crack cocaine, prostitutes and foreign oligarchs, there’s a whole lotta scandal in that “scandal-free”  campaign.

But Joe, Kamala and a few of their closest donor friends, headed to the DNC’s big depressing D.C. shindig to express their thanks to the suckers who ponied up $1.5 billion for a chance to make some campaign pros very rich.

And at the end of a rambling speech (but still less inane than Kamala’s speech), Biden claimed that “we’ve run a campaign that’s basically scandal-free. That’s hard to do in American politics.”

It’s hard to do still when you were ousted by your own campaign over accusations that you were covering up your own mental state.

Biden is the only presidential nominee to be ousted by his own party just ahead of the nomination on accusations of a senility scandal.

And then to be discussing handing out preemptive pardons to all his political allies.

But I guess that counts as “basically scandal free” now. Also Coke is basically a health elixir.