Spoiler alert: I’m about to tell you how the government shutdown ends.

Bill Clinton held the record, at 21 days, but Donald Trump easily beat that with 35 days in his first term.

Barack Obama weighed in with a mere 16-day shuttering of the government.

So I’ve lived through enough of these things to know the pattern as we pass the one-week mark today.

DEMOCRATS AT A BIG DISADVANTAGE IN SHUTDOWN AS TRUMP STARTS SLASHING THEIR PROGRAMS

President Trump has a huge advantage with his giant megaphone. But isn’t it fascinating that, until yesterday, he hadn’t spoken to reporters since the government went to what must be called a partial shutdown? He doesn’t want to own this if it turns unpopular. So he’s happy to let Mike Johnson and John Thune spar with Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer while he stays above the fray.

But there’s a twist this time. Republicans are suddenly rushing to defend federal programs. 

The speaker told Fox News Digital he is concerned about the Special Nutrition Program for Women, Children and Infants (WIC), as well as FEMA grants.

"You have FEMA – I mean, I'm from a hurricane state. We're in the middle of hurricane season. I’ve got two of them off the coast of the U.S. right now."

He’s also concerned about a lapse in the federal flood insurance program. And Johnson expressed concern about the troops serving without pay.

On the Fox and CNN weekend shows, Johnson said he doesn’t want telehealth and mental health to be halted. "That’s what Chuck Schumer is holding hostage."

I suppose it would be unsporting of me to point out the hypocrisy here. This is the Republicans’ own budget we’re talking about, reflecting Trump’s priorities. But the Democrats play the same game when they hold the White House. Nobody has clean hands here.

Surprisingly, given their usual distaste for the federal bureaucracy, the Dems have broken through the static with their message of fighting for health care, Marjorie Taylor Greene, breaking with Trump yet again, has joined them: 

"I’m absolutely disgusted that health insurance premiums will DOUBLE if the tax credits expire this year."

Greene called Obamacare BS and the insurance industry a "scam." But as she noted, the expiration of the subsidies means premiums will soar.

"I’m going to go against everyone on this issue because when the tax credits expire this year my own adult children’s insurance premiums for 2026 are going to DOUBLE, along with all the wonderful families and hard-working people in my district," she posted on X.

THE REVOLT OF MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, NOW DONALD TRUMP’S FIERCEST CRITIC

The Republicans say, gosh, all we’re asking for is a seven-week kick-the-can delay that would end this shutdown. The Democrats, the party of government, will counter with a shorter delay, maybe three or four weeks, congratulate themselves on being fighters, and extract a commitment that they’ll be consulted on extending the Obamacare tax credits to avoid kicking millions off the rolls. And that ends the shutdown.

Then the Republicans will do whatever they want.

Except they can’t. They’re unable to get to 60 votes without some Democratic defections.  

Unless… hmmm… Trump and his party go nuclear. 

He could declare one of his national emergencies and declare that he has the unilateral authority to change the budget however he likes.

Harry Reid, as Democratic leader, was the first to go partially nuclear by saying the normal rules would no longer apply to most judicial nominations. 

Trump did talk to reporters yesterday at a bilat with Canada’s Mark Carney, saying the Democrats are "the ones who started it, and it’s almost like a kamikaze attack by them."

Schumer’s reputation has sunk so low that Jon Stewart called the minority leader "a human flat tire." 

Axios reports on a draft White House memo saying furloughed workers aren’t guaranteed compensation for their forced time off. That’s a pressure tactic against the Democrats to end the shutdown by denying back pay to as many as 750,000 workers. 

It will also never happen. The backlash would be fierce. So it’s telling that it leaked. 

Meanwhile, the Treasury, which like every other department carries out Trump’s will, attempted to justify a study of a $1 coin emblazoned with his visage.

Secretary Scott Bessent said he was using his authority to issue coins "with designs emblematic of the United States semiquincentennial," or 250th birthday. 

Small problem, aside from the tackiness: An 1866 law requires that anyone pictured on U.S. currency must be deceased.

Trump has shattered every norm in today’s society. You think he’s going to let an 1866 law stop him? It’s not exactly the Posse Comitatus Act.

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Everyone hates government in the abstract, but especially with a shortage of air controllers slowing up traffic, the pain level will keep increasing. And a couple of reports say that while the president is openly cutting programs that benefit blue states and cities, this is, perhaps inevitably, starting to hurt red states as well. 

Now you have the strange situation of both parties embracing federal spending, which is usually a big fat target for the GOP. Things look different when you’re defending your state, your district, your backyard.

So now that I’ve spoiled the suspense, you can go back to being nervous. It’s a perfect storm that, for all the partisan finger-pointing, has weirdly brought the parties together.