The Babylon Bee had the greatest story this week.
“Aide Pushes Cart Through Halls Of Congress Yelling ‘Bring Out Your Dead!'” said the headline, a nod to the classic movie “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”:
Long-time congressional aide Mark Mathis has been tasked with slowly pushing a cart through the halls of Congress to collect the dead bodies.
“I’m getting better!” shouted Dianne Feinstein as her aides tossed her into the wheelbarrow. “I think I’ll go for a walk!”
With members of congress keeling over at an unprecedented rate, Mr. Mathis was pressed into collecting bodies full-time. “The dead body smell was getting overpowering,” explained Mr. Mathis. “So, now I push this official congressional wheelbarrow around to collect the corpses. Government work — am I right?”
The timing was perfect after last week, which delivered the most evident signs yet that the American people must press for an age limit for federal lawmakers.
In a bizarre scene, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) on Thursday abruptly halted his speech during a Republican leadership news conference, exhibiting a sudden freeze and subsequent silence, before being led away.
McConnell, 81, was in the midst of delivering his opening statements on an annual defense policy bill when this incident occurred. The 19 seconds of silence prompted concern from his Republican peers, leading Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY), a physician and high-ranking McConnell deputy, to guide McConnell away from the prying eyes of cameras and reporters.
Meanwhile, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, 89, on Thursday appeared confused and attempted to deliver a long speech during a Senate hearing, the latest in a string of episodes that have raised further questions about her ability to continue serving in office.
“Just say aye,” Senate Appropriations Chairwoman Patty Murray repeatedly pleaded with her colleague.
Instead of a short reply, Feinstein began her response by saying, “I would like to support a yes vote on this, it provides $823 billion ….” As Feinstein continued to speak, an aide also intervened to remind the lawmaker that this was not the time for speeches.
“OK,” Feinstein then said as Murray reminded her one final time to “just say aye.” “Aye,” she finally said.
The age thing has jumped back into the headlines with Feinstein missing 60 of 82 Senate votes while being hospitalized for shingles and McConnell being out for five weeks after suffering a concussion in a fall at a private dinner at the Waldorf Astoria.
So why don’t they retire? Seriously, after serving the country for decades and entering their twilight years — and let’s be real, they’ve amassed plenty of money (members of Congress mysteriously get rich like crazy) — why not just buy a lakeside house and relax?
The answer lies in their ego. Lawmakers in Congress can’t seem to get enough of themselves. Their job is to talk, quite literally, and they all relish the sound of their own voice. These dinosaurs can bloviate like nobody’s business.
But there’s more to it, which is undoubtedly tied to ego as well. Many of them want to remain in the spotlight until their last breath. You’ve probably seen those news stories that go, “Former Member of Congress Joe Blow dies at 89.” It barely registers a blip. But when the current House Speaker passes away? It’s wall-to-wall coverage.
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Furthermore, many crave the honor of lying in state. Presidents, military commanders, and members of Congress are eligible for this tribute, where the remains are placed in the rotunda of the Capitol, and grieving Americans line up to pay their final respects.
But it’s time for the American people to take control and demand these dinosaurs — both Republican and Democrat — ride off into the sunset at, say, 75 years old.
Hey, commercial pilots can’t fly after 65. And they’re just flying a plane. These lawmakers are flying a country with 320 million people. Let’s get some young people with the skin in the game — and some cognitive ability — into office.
The views expressed in this piece are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
Joseph Curl has covered politics for 35 years, including 12 years as White House correspondent for a national newspaper. He was also the a.m. editor of the Drudge Report for four years. Send tips to [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @josephcurl.