Q. My husband refuses to move out of our house while the divorce is pending even though he has plenty of money and his sister has an empty in-law suite on her house 10 minutes away.  My lawyer says I don’t have grounds to get him kicked out.  So, I moved to our finished basement where we have an old au pair suite.  It is not ideal, but he is very controlling and verbally abusive, and I cannot take living in the main house with him.

Recently I have begun to suspect that my husband has placed cameras in the basement.  He has made comments about my workouts (our home gym is in the basement) and he seems to know what I am talking to my lawyer about.  I was deposed and he asked me all kinds of questions about things that he could not know if he wasn’t listening.

My lawyer is taking his deposition soon.  Should we confront him?  I know its not OK to record me without my knowledge, but I don’t know what I can do to prevent it.  I feel really violated.

A. First, stop talking to your lawyer from anywhere in your house.  Get in your car and drive to a parking lot somewhere to talk.  For that matter, don’t talk to anyone from your house.

Your lawyer should ask him in his deposition about cameras and recording devices.  Ask all the details where they are located, how they operate, etc.  Then ask him to produce all of the recordings he has by way of a document request.  If you have not already done so, ask for all of his credit card records and bank records and comb through them looking for his purchases to see if you can find these devices.  Also ask for the detailed order history from his Amazon account.

Regardless of his answer, your lawyer should also send a letter demanding that any recording cease and desist, making clear that you have not and do not consent to any such recording.  If he denies installing cameras/recording devices, you can hire a company to sweep your basement for such devices and if they are found, you should bring it to the judge’s attention in connection with a motion to vacate the house because of the impact his conduct is having on you.

Finally, before the deposition, you should install a lock on the basement door so that he cannot access the basement.  In this way he cannot leave the deposition and go remove his devices.

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