Q. My wife and I have been doing our best to get along with her ex and his partner. We all have kids and have decided we will all be the first to call each other if there is an emergency for the kids. We all exchanged keys to our homes in case of emergency. The kids go back and forth on a weekly basis. Yesterday I came home to find my wife’s ex’s partner in my garage raiding my floor freezer for lobster tails.

I was so shocked I just stood there as she put the tails back in the freezer and said nothing as she walked out the side door. I have no idea how to handle this. Should I press charges? What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. My first question would be do you think your wife’s ex knew about this little excursion? If he didn’t know about it before she did it, it might make a difference in working through it.

There’s not much more you can do other than call a meeting between the adults and hash it out. I suspect the ex’s wife is embarrassed and doesn’t really know what to say at this point. She broke into your home, even if she had a key, and was stealing your personal property. I would ask them how they plan to make amends and then ask for your key back. Let them know that you were doing your best to work with them, but this is a huge setback. Before the meeting I would suggest you and your wife get clear about future boundaries and make sure they are understood.

With the kids in mind, I would weigh how pressing charges for this particular offense will affect your future interaction with the father of your wife’s children. If it was me, I would make it clear that if anything close to this happened again, I will be going straight to the police. And I would be waiting for a list of things they planned on doing to make things right.

I want to make it clear I am not telling you not to press charges. If you think making an example would be more appropriate than a conversation, that is your right as a parent. But good ex-etiquette always starts with a conversation with the kids’ best interest at the forefront.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is a child custody mediator and the author of “The Bonus Family Handbook.”/Tribune News Service