Q. I am learning that I fall into a large population of people who waited until after the holidays to start the divorce process. I have been calling around and can’t get an appointment with any of the divorce lawyers who my friends recommended. No one has new appointments this month and everyone seems really busy.
Is there a better time for me to do this?
A. There is something to be said for the New Year’s resolution. Some people resolve to get healthier, be a better friend, get a better job, etc. Others resolve to divorce their spouse in hopes of a happier future. These people have often been in a less than satisfactory marriage for some time.
Another subset of people have younger children and do not want to ruin the holidays for them, so they stay in a bad situation through the holidays in order to provide one more year of “happy memories” for their kids. What these people often do not appreciate is how perceptive children are. Kids know when something is not right and will likely sense the underlying tensions. They may look back on the last holiday season as a family and wish their parents had separated earlier so they could have had a happier holiday with two happy parents instead of one filled with uncomfortable exchanges and tension.
There are also those people who have started to feel less satisfied with their marriage and their feelings become exacerbated during the holidays. With the ever-present social media, we now scroll through post after post of beautiful families posing for holiday pictures, perfectly decorated homes, perfectly set tables and children in matching pajamas smiling in front of the Christmas tree. No one really lives in a perfect world. But it is easy to let the stress of the holidays and the desire for perfection to lead people to believe something is wrong if their family is not so perfect.
If you fall into categories one or two, make the appointment with a highly recommended lawyer even you have to wait several weeks – you will probably need one eventually. If you fall into category three, take a step back and really think about why you are looking for a lawyer and whether looking for a therapist is a better first step.
Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com