Q. My ex and I broke up three years ago. He’s recently remarried, and he sent me an email saying that his wife will now be accompanying him to our 8-year-old son’s Little League baseball games. She has not been nice to me over the last year, and the thought of her going to the games makes me very uncomfortable. I’m thinking I’m going to back off attending my son’s games because I don’t want to deal with my ex and this woman.

A. When you have had a history of run-ins with your ex and his partner, it’s easy to understand why you predict the worst. However, you have to remember who is really hurting when you spend a lot of time anticipating a negative outcome: you!

Agonizing about what may happen simply keeps you upset and really has no effect on your ex. He has moved on.

Here’s where applying the 10 Rules of Good Ex-Etiquette for Parents comes into play. They are rules to live by that allow you to take the everyday headbutting and turn it into a more positive experience. (You can find the full list at www.bonusfamilies.com.)

The first rule of good ex-etiquette for parents is, “Put the children first.” When you use your child’s welfare as the basis for all decisions, the decision is easy. Use your self-interest as the basis for the decision and the result is situations like you describe.

You are actually contemplating not going to your child’s game because of how you feel about your son’s father and his wife. If you stand back and really look at what you are considering, you will realize you have lost sight of what’s important.

Rules 2-10 also point you in the right direction.

For example, Rule No. 3 is, “Don’t badmouth.” It would be easy to talk behind their back, to let family and friends know what you think your ex and his wife are. But how would that help your child?

The good news: It will be over in an hour, and you have done this for your son. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, bonusfamilies.com. /Tribune News Service