Only the calamity that used to be the New York Yankees keeps the Red Sox from being the best last-place team in sports.
The words “Yankees Suck” have never conveyed as much truth as they do in August of 2023.
The Yankees being flat-out atrocious was always salve for fans in Boston, especially when the Red Sox floundered.
Lately, the Yankees have become even less relevant than the Red Sox.
They can’t even make losing interesting. The Mets own that department.
The continued employment of Aaron Boone and Brian Cashman may be the best job insurance for Alex Cora and Chaim Bloom.
While Boone doesn’t want to be fired, Cora would probably welcome it.
George Steinbrenner would have dumped both Cashman and Boone at least a half-dozen times in the past five years.
His son, Hal, appears almost as detached as John Henry.
Almost.
We miss the days of “Moneyball” John Henry.
That John Henry was passionate about the Red Sox. He offered Brad Pitt $12.5 million to run his team.
In 2011 John Henry was still spoiling for a fight. A somewhat perturbed Henry showed up unannounced and uninvited at the old studios of 98.5 The Sports Hub in Brighton one October afternoon. He joined the “Felger and Mazz” show. The unscripted 90 minutes that followed remain a top-five moment in the history of Boston media.
Even though Larry Lucchino no longer runs the Red Sox, Henry’s words from that day remain a historic relic.
On par with Copley’s painting of Paul Revere, Old Ironsides, and the phone used by John Connolly to tip off Whitey Bulger.
But 12 years later, we still have no idea who runs this team.
The 2023 Red Sox are baseball’s Bermuda Triangle.
You might not make it out alive. But you’re guaranteed a wild ride.
Now, it’s Henry who has disappeared. A purported image of Henry in Greece appeared on this third wife’s Instagram feed last month. With AI, you never can tell. Henry has not spoken on the record about the Red Sox since February.
Red Sox President and CEO President Sam Kennedy has much on his plate, given his role as a part owner of Fenway Sports Group.
And this Kennedy believes in vaccines, just not in paying the Competitive Balance Tax.
GM Bloom, meanwhile, has his own unlicensed daily fantasy sports operation.
But neither Kennedy nor Bloom is the boss, or The Boss.
As long as Henry’s name rests on the top of the team masthead, he bears the ultimate burden for the malfunction that is 2023.
In much the same way he was the first representative of the team to get the World Series/Commissioner’s Trophy in 2004, 2007, 2013 and 2018.
The Red Sox got swept by the Blue Jays this past weekend, losing the finale 13-1. A series pegged by everyone as the one that would put this team in the throes of the Wild Card chase ended in ruins. Feckless starting pitching and inept defense led to this two-touchdown loss.
The season as we know it bottomed out – for now – with Pablo Reyes coming in to pitch the 9th.
That loss left the local nine in familiar digs – the AL East basement. Which is probably flooded by now.
A day after throwing a scoreless ninth, Reyes made baseball history Monday night by being the first player in MLB history to ever get three hits, score three runs, collect an extra-base hit, steal a base, and hit a walk-off grand slam in the same game.
Watch out, Shohei Otani.
Reyes’ grand slam made quite a splash.
But this Bermuda Triangle version of the Red Sox remain adrift in choppy seas.
You want to feel queasy?
Raffy Devers and Tristan Casas anchor an infield that has used seven starting second baseman and six starting shortstops.
The Red Sox player with the most starts at second this season: Christian Arroyo.
He was DFA’d the other day and is now a member of the WooSox.
Who has most starts at shortstop this season for the Red Sox?
Kike “Butterfingers” Hernandez. He’s now playing for manager Dave Roberts. Alongside Mookie Betts, J.D. Martinez. And the rest of the Los Angeles Blue Sox.
In an only-the-Red-Sox-or-Mets moment, Tuesday was originally scheduled to be Kike Hernandez World Baseball Classic bobblehead night. They’re $34.95 on eBay.
The Red Sox remain plagued by a comedy of errors. They are last in fielding percentage and tops in fielding gaffes across the American League.
While the Red Sox struggle to master the basics of baseball, run hot and cold at the plate, and lack a starting pitcher who can finish the 7th inning, some argue there is hope.
Trevor Story returned Tuesday. Chris Sale could pitch on Friday. Garrett Whitlock and Tanner Houck aren’t far behind.
Bloom told us these replacements will be enough for his “underdogs” to make a run at the playoffs.
If not a playoff run.
The Red Sox were 13-5 in July. They’re capable of winning enough games to reach Wild Card territory.
But Boston needs to get past two other teams before earning the right to play in the best-of-three Wild Card Round. If the Red Sox somehow clear that hurdle, a best-of-five ALDS awaits. Get through that crucible? The best-of-seven American League Championship Series awaits.
All that just to play in the World Series – against the likes of either Xander Bogaerts, Kyle Schwarber, or Betts.
“Keep The Faith.”
OK.
After all, the Patriots don’t play for another month.
Just, make sure you have a life jacket.
That water runs deep.
Bill Speros (@RealOBF and @BillSperos) can be reached at bsperos1@gmail.com.