In Israel, there’s a saying we often turn to when a baby is born: by the time they reach 18, hopefully, there will be no need for an army. It’s an aspiration that feels almost ironic, considering the harsh labels ascribed to Israelis lately by some young Americans (and heads of universities) – genocidal, occupiers, bloodthirsty. Yet, despite these tensions, we cling to this hope. I found myself fervently wishing this for my newborn son this week.

I spent quite some time in Boston in recent years, meeting and providing mental health support for some of its students while also meeting some wonderful Palestinian colleagues. I try to imagine a Boston student protester surprised at this scenario: my wife, in a hospital room, sharing space with an Arab mother. Both were cared for by a mix of Jewish and Arab medical professionals, kindness being their only agenda. That protester might also be surprised that former science and technology minister Yizhar Shay, who lost his son on Oct. 7,  participates in a campaign for Arab-Jewish coexistence while initiating projects to develop Israel again.

This isn’t the picture often painted by extremists on both sides, nor is it the narrative favored by certain progressive US-based media. It’s the reality of everyday life here – people striving for normalcy irrespective of their backgrounds. Last Sunday, witnessing a diverse group of mothers, Arab and Jewish, united in the act of bringing life into this world was a moment of profound inspiration. It’s a stark reminder that the complexities and divides often emerge later in life.

A nurse mentioned something striking: the increasing sight of Israelis, rifles in hand, coming from Gaza, accompanying their pregnant wives – a testament to our lived reality. In the protesters’ narrative, I’m doing it because of my violent nature; in mine, it’s protective. I was one of them, arriving from my reserve duty to witness my child’s birth. Though I harbor the wish that my son won’t need to serve in the army in 18 years, a part of me knows it’s a naive hope.

Trying to force a narrative is missing the complex reality. As I write this, far away in The Hague, there’s an organization defending terrorists who’ve inflicted unspeakable horrors, even holding a one-year-old hostage through this week. This is one appalling story in a sea of many, which is not Israeli propaganda – Hamas does not deny it – his name is Kfir, and he’s going to celebrate his 1st birthday in captivity. What justifies that?

Israelis have repeatedly shown their capability to defend their own, and we will continue doing so. The way to peace would become more apparent once more people understand the complexities. I know the anguish on the Palestinian side, which is equally undeniable. The tricky question is how to solve that. Shouting “free Palestine,” and “from the river to the sea” – meaning killing my family – won’t get us there.

Yair Nativ is the CEO of Mind Dome, ‘The First Line of Defense for Your Mind.’ He serves as a reserves medic in the surgical unit of the Nahal (IDF).