An intoxicated man, wearing a Raiders helmet, picked up his 12-year-old son at a birthday party without telling anyone, and attempted to drive him to Las Vegas. The frightened kid kept calling police for more than an hour, saying his dad “was acting weird,” and updating the cops with their location. It ended with the man’s arrest.

CAN’T WE TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT, HONEY?: A Maryland man engaged in a colossal campaign of harassment aimed at his former girlfriend, calling her 815 times over a two-day period and sending her thousands of text messages over several months. He also “used social media posts to embarrass her and interfere with her livelihood.” He’s looking at up to five years in prison.

SIR, YOUR ORDER’S READY … SIR!?: An “extremely drunk” motorist pulled into the drive-thru lane at the Arby’s in Chaska, Minn., at 1 in the afternoon where he ordered curly fries and then passed out. The cops said he was so drunk that he couldn’t do a standardized field sobriety test.

THE TYPE’S TOO DAMN SMALL!: A man in Cornwall, England, mistakenly ordered 60 pairs of reading glasses over the internet. He intended to buy 12 pairs, but the number 12 that he clicked was for 12 sets of five. He was not wearing his glasses at the time.

A SPLASH OF COLOR CAN SOMETIMES CHEER YOU UP: A man, whose face was painted pink, was spotted walking on a roadway in Orlando, Fla., and “engaging with passing cars.” Police found a pair of knives and a crack pipe in his pockets and arrested him. They did not know why his face was painted pink.

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME: A man snuck into a home in Mill Creek, Wash., and secretly holed up in an upstairs loft even though the real owners were living in the residence. The owners noticed that $3,000, a passport and a wallet were missing and also smelled cigarette smoke. The police arrested the intruder who was in possession of methamphetamine and 11 fentanyl pills.

THAT’S CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE, OFFICER!: Police arrested a 61-year-old man for drunk driving in the Township of Georgian Bluffs, Ontario, and found dozens and dozens of beer cans piled all the way up to the passenger side window.

BUT THE BAT MUST BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE: A man showed up at his ex-girlfriend’s house in Clearfield County, Pa., at 3 o’clock in the morning, and, when she tried to make him leave, went up to her bedroom and attacked a man he found there with a beer bottle to the face. He then called the cops claiming to be the victim and saying that the guy hit him on the head with a baseball bat. Police found no baseball bat and arrested him.

YOU KNOW, IT DID LOOK A LITTLE TOO EASY: In an effort to combat a spate of auto thefts, police parked a bait car in a high-crime area of Houston. Not long after, a man and a woman hooked the vehicle up to a tow truck in an attempt to steal it. Police said the tow truck was “not valid, nor registered.”