A history and philosophy teacher was fired because she was absent from her schools near Venice, Italy, for 20 of the last 24 years. For the first 10 years she was completely absent, and her absences in the subsequent 14 years were attributed to sickness, personal or family reasons. She said that she would challenge the decision, “but right now I’m at the beach.”

I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE, OFFICER: As police were arresting a man suspected of stealing an assortment of sexual aids from a Target store in Palm Coast, Fla., a “small pink vibrator” fell out of his pants.

I’M SURE I’LL BE SAFE IN HERE: A bull being chased by men on motorcycles through the streets of a Karachi, Pakistan, darted into a steakhouse to seek refuge.

SACRE BLEU, IT’S RAINING DRUGS!: A pilot, who was smuggling drugs from Germany into France, made the mistake of flying his small private plane into restricted airspace over a nuclear power plant in Alsace, prompting a French fighter jet to intercept him. He released packages of methamphetamine over the Ardèche region, landed in Lanas, and fled on foot, abandoning the aircraft. He was arrested later.

I THINK WE MAY HAVE GOTTEN OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT: A man robbed a woman at gunpoint outside of her home in Indianapolis late at night and messaged her later on Facebook to ask her out on a date. He had demanded she add him on Facebook after he robbed her, and he sent her a message saying, “Damn you was too pretty to rob,” and claimed he would pay her back.

THE BOOZE WAS JUST INCIDENTAL, OFFICER: A drunk driver who rear-ended another vehicle in Troy, Mich., had a blood alcohol content level that was 4 1/2 times the legal limit and double the state’s “super drunk” level, and had two open bottles of whiskey in the center console. But he claimed that the actual reason he crashed his car was that he had been texting while driving.

A REAL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND: A 19-year-old man walked into a restaurant in Mankato, Minn., and “began throwing Skittles at employees and customers.” Police were familiar with the suspect as they had arrested him on minor charges twice before in recent months.

I CAN’T HELP MYSELF, I JUST LOVE THE RUSH, DUDE: A man was arrested after police spotted him inhaling nitrous oxide from a balloon while driving in Liverpool, England. Officers discovered large quantity of spent nitrous oxide canisters littered throughout his vehicle, leading to a search of his storage unit where they found 48,000 more of the canisters.

NEVER BRING A PITCHFORK TO A SWORD FIGHT: A 71-year-old man returned to his home in Seattle to discover that a burglar had broken in. After the intruder tried to stab the man with a pitchfork, the old guy attacked him with a samurai sword.

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA’ DO? ARREST ME?: The fact that he was wanted for murder did not deter a man from pulling out a gun and pointing it at customers in a restaurant in Belltown, Wash.