A man ran a red light in Altoona, Pa., right in front of a police officer and led the cop on a high-speed chase. His license had been suspended, he was high on drugs, had a felony warrant for his arrest and was using the vehicle he was driving without the owner’s permission. He reached speeds over 80 mph on various side roads, and ran two more red lights, the second of which was at an intersection where a Jeep slammed into him. He took off on foot and jumped a fence before being tased and handcuffed.

IT’S A LITTLE SLOW BUT IT GETS YOU THERE: A man stole a backhoe in Williamson County, Ill., and drove it to the airport so he could catch a flight to the West Coast. He was arrested as soon as he got off the plane in Elko, Nev.

I TOOK ALL THAT RISK FOR NOTHING!: A Minnesota man traveled to Chicago where he robbed several banks, but, when he returned to the Minneapolis suburb where he lives, someone stole his car with the cash in it. Police found the vehicle abandoned with the engine running and a door open, revealing red dye stains on the interior. He told his brother that there was about $12,000 in the car.

A GETAWAY BIKE?: A violent offender was confronted by police on a street in Duluth, Minn., but, because he was in possession of a loaded firearm and some methamphetamine, he tried to flee on a stolen bicycle. It was to no avail.

OK, MAYBE SOME ALCOHOL: A drunken boater passed out behind the wheel as his fishing boat barreled toward Madeira Beach in Florida, which was crowded with swimmers. When the vessel was intercepted by deputies, one of them asked him if he had been drinking. They guy replied, “We don’t have no alcohol.” The officer pointed out an empty beer can, and the boater made no printable response.

THE THINGS GUYS WILL DO TO IMPRESS THE LADIES: Two Air India pilots were suspended because they invited a female friend into the cockpit during a flight from Delhi to Leh, a large city in the Kashmir region.

STICK ‘EM UP!? NO, YOU STICK ‘EM UP!: Several criminals tried to rob a group of men in a car in Brazil, but soon discovered, to their dismay, that the men were all off-duty police officers.

I’LL REMEMBER THIS WHEN I MAKE OUT MY WILL: A 45-year-old Belgian man tried to teach his family a lesson about the importance of staying in touch with each other by faking his own death. He wanted his family to come together for his funeral to “show them that you shouldn’t wait until someone is dead to meet up with (him).” Unfortunately, only about half of the family bothered to show up.

WHO YOU GONNA’ BELIEVE, ME OR HIM?: A drunk driver sideswiped a vehicle being driven by the police chief of Aurora, Colo.