Q. I have twins who are very athletic high school freshmen.  My daughter is a soccer player and my son is a hockey goalie.  My ex and I committed years ago that we would allow our children to play club sports at high levels. They are each on elite teams which require intense practices, many games and tournaments in other states.

My ex is remarried and has a baby. We share custody equally. She now refuses to bring our daughter to any games on her weekends if it is raining or snowing. She refuses to let our son play for any other teams when they are lacking goalies on her weekends. Three years from now we are going to have to figure out how to pay for two in college. Athletic scholarships are realistic for both kids, but not if they don’t participate. My daughter’s coach recently told me if she does not start to show up, she will be cut from next year’s team.

Can I make my ex pay more for college if she doesn’t help out now to give them an opportunity to get scholarship money?

A. The short answer is probably not. Certainly if they were offered scholarships but had the offers rescinded for lack of participation, that would be a different story.  How would you prove to a judge that a college would have offered them a scholarship had they played in more games?

Rather than take this issue up with a court, you need to figure out an alternative solution for your kids now. Yes, it is your ex who should be finding a plan for her weekends but if she isn’t going to and you can – you should make the effort.  Assuming your kids actually want to play at the level at which they are competing, you should step in on her weekends.  If you know your daughter has a game and the weather is predicted to be lousy – offer to take her to the game on your ex’s weekends or find another family on the team willing to take her. Offer to take her to away tournaments on your ex’s weekends – that is where the college coaches go to scout.  This gives you more time with your daughter and allows her to stay on the team.  Same goes for your son.

If your ex refuses, you ask the court to modify the parenting plan to allow her more parenting time during the week and you more weekends until they are able to drive themselves.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com