I received this text from a client I started working with recently: “I really want to solve this issue of people mentioning their exes! Or maybe that’s just normal if you’re divorced? Is it me? Or does that happen to other clients on every single first date? It’s so uncomfortable!”

And then this week, after a different client went on a first date, she told me that her date said some things in passing that gave her pause. One of these things, of course, was, “He just mentioned his exes A LOT.”

This is all too premature. A first date is simply to figure out whether you and the other person have a connection and maybe share some laughs. Nothing more, nothing less.

I shared my advice on this topic about this on Instagram, and another (this time male) client chimed in:

“I saw your post about talking about exes on a first date and it got me thinking. I’m definitely team ‘don’t talk about exes.’ So I have an admittedly small sample size, but here’s what I have found. Women who have kids ask me about my kid and custody arrangement, and then almost always immediately ask me if I’m on good terms with my ex. So unless I’m not going to answer, it’s being brought up. I take it as a screener question, like if I date you, am I going to have to deal with drama from an ex? I’m never quite comfortable that I respond the right way, because my split was very amicable (and purposefully so on both our parts) and it’s something I’m proud of, but it’s not like either of us want to be together anymore. Anyway, wanted to throw in my two cents. Obviously feedback is welcome if I could handle it more artfully!”

I appreciated his thoughts immensely, and here’s how I replied:

“I really appreciate your thoughts. And I think you hit the nail on the head — there’s no ‘right way’ to answer these questions. Too amicable — still in love. Too bitter — a red flag.”

In the end, my advice stands: Do not bring up past relationships on first dates. No one wants to compete with anyone else on their own date with you.

Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating./Tribune News Service