Q. My child’s father never returns my phone calls or texts. I wait for hours, sometimes days, for a reply and one never comes. So, I have to make the decision myself and then my son’s father gets angry that I didn’t consult him. Most recently, there was a deadline to sign up for soccer. I texted almost two weeks in advance. He never replied and I decided to sign up our son myself. Now his father is refusing to take him to practices on his time because he didn’t agree. It’s maddening and our son is always in the middle. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. I find most parents who are in the midst of a situation like you described have no idea how they are contributing to the problem. They only see their own resentment and do not realize that when they don’t respond, it does more than irritate their co-parent. They actually sets themselves up for failure.

Here are two possible examples that might be at the root of a co-parent’s choice to not respond.

One, Dad, (or Mom) could be angry that he didn’t get the parenting schedule he wanted when the parents broke up and is resentful that his co-parent has more time than he does with their child. Or, a parent moved away after the breakup and their co-parent has to drive an hour to see their child. Again, resentful, that parent does just about anything to irritate their co-parent. Not responding to texts or phone messages is a typical reaction often displayed by parents who blame the other for the current state of affairs.

Kids don’t understand the vindictive dynamic between their angry parents. All a child sees is that one of his parents won’t bring him to his game when he’s with that parent, so the child starts refusing to go to that parent’s home. That parent, not seeing how they set the stage for their child’s rejection, blames their co-parent. The parent decides not to return phone calls or answer texts — and the cycle continues.

Be part of the solution, not the problem. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is a child custody mediator and author of “The Bonus Family Handbook: The Definitive Guide to Co-parenting and Creating Stronger Families.” www.bonusfamilies.com /Tribune News Service