Q. I have decided to represent myself in my divorce because I am good with numbers, and this is really all about numbers.  Our children are grown so the sticky parenting stuff is not part of our case.  We have exchanged financial statements and my husband’s lawyer wrote up an agreement that they want me to sign.  They say it is an equal division of all of our assets, but it is not.  My husband refuses to include the value of his Social Security in the asset division.  I did not hire a lawyer but I hired someone to value our Social Security and his is much larger than mine.

My husband has a big job and his Social Security is worth three times the amount of mine because I became a teacher ten years ago and stopped paying into the Social Security system. I want to make sure I have enough assets to live well in retirement.  My husband will be able to live out our plan of buying a condo on the Mediterranean. I should have the same abilities.

Asset division should be truly equal and fair in a long marriage.  How do I convince him to be fair?

A. You may think that you are saving yourself money by not hiring a lawyer.  It is clear you do not understand some very important pieces so you should reconsider your position in that regard.

First of all, Social Security is not an asset that is or should be divided in a divorce.  It is an entitlement for those who have paid into the system. There is no way of knowing if it will still be around when you retire or if so, for how long.  Further, when the time comes to elect Social Security, so long as you were married to him for more than ten years, you can either elect your own or half of your then ex-husband’s.  If half of his is higher than yours, you will elect half of his.

If you think it is unfair, crunch the numbers assuming you are getting half of his Social Security instead of the value of yours.  Then consider women typically live longer than men so you will likely be collecting for longer meaning you get more.  Does the offer now feel fair?  If not, it is time to hire a lawyer to help.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com