There’s an important period in a relationship that’s often overlooked in online dating: the point between finding an interesting profile and actually meeting in person. While there is certainly an art to crafting an interesting opening message — although anything more exciting than “Hey” or “How’s it going?” will often suffice, and always end with a relevant question — keeping the conversation going can often be a challenge.
Recently on Reddit, the online forum where people can anonymously chat about pretty much anything, someone posed a great question: “What kills your attraction in the ‘talking phase’?”
Some of the responses were:
“Not talking enough. The entire point of a date is to get to know each other, which is pretty hard if I may as well be talking to a brick wall.”
“When they’re incapable of making full conversations. People who constantly ask hru/wyd again and again make me lose interest VERY fast.”
“Not asking me questions. It shows me they’re not genuinely interested in getting to know me. I ask questions. I like it when it’s more conversational.”
“If I’m putting in more effort than the person to keep the conversation going. Especially if I always have to initiate or say, ‘Hi’ first.”
These are different answers that make different points but come to very similar conclusions: It’s all about putting effort into the conversation.
While online dating, it’s expected that you may be talking to multiple people at once, getting to know each other and seeing if meeting for a date is in the cards. However, the same conversation won’t work for each of the people you’re talking to.
Some other turnoffs listed on the Reddit thread included “being boring or being negative” and talking poorly about an ex — both completely understandable objections.
Another person replied that a turnoff was “taking way too long to actually meet after weeks of texting/calls.” You can only get to know a person so much without physically being together, so why wait?
Ultimately, just remember the basics: Be interested, stay positive, and don’t go into a deep dive (or even a shallow one) on your ex.
Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. /Tribune News Service