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Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee
24 Jun 2024


NextImg:USA vs. Canada: A Fair And Unbiased Comparison

Canada: it's that country up to the North. But is it any better than America? Let's take a look at a comprehensive comparison of the two countries:

Weights & Measures

Canada: Uses the metric system just like Communist Russia

USA: Measures everything in touchdowns per AR-15

Winner: USA

Free Speech

Canada: Can be jailed for misgendering non-binary people such as Justin Trudeau

USA: Jailing people for political reasons? Ha, that will never happen here.

Winner: USA

Healthcare

Canada: 7-month wait for free treatment, but unfortunately, the treatment is suicide

USA: 1-month wait to pay $500,000 so the doctor can give you an Advil

Winner: USA

Hockey

Canada: Invented hockey and still basically never wins the Stanley Cup

USA: Stole hockey from Canada along with all the good hockey players

Winner: USA

Leaders

Canada: Ruled by an oppressive dictator in blackface

USA: Ruled by an oppressive dictator with dementia

Winner: Draw

French people

Canada: Lots

USA: Legally banned from entering the country

Winner: USA

Weather

Canada: Cold

USA: Tornadoes, heat, hurricanes, cold, hot, whatever you like. A literal buffet of weather

Winner: USA

Population Density

Canada: Most people try to live as close to the US as possible

USA: Most people try to live as far away from Canada as possible

Winner: USA

Tourist Attractions

Canada: Snow?

USA: World's largest rocking chair in Casey, Illinois

Winner: USA

Does your country have Texas?

Canada: No

USA: Yes

Winner: USA

Guns

Canada: You can only have lame guns for hunting

USA: Yes

Winner: USA

Food

Canada: Milk in a bag and deer jerky for every meal

USA: Milk in jugs as God intended, plus Golden Corral

Winner: USA

Government

Canada: Socialist

USA: Not socialist for another five or six years at least

Winner: USA

Well, there you have it. Looks like our fair and impartial analysis has definitively proved that the United States is better than Canada. Who knew?

Bob Boeing, the founder of Boeing, explains how the number 1 priority for the airline manufacturer is diversity.