U.S. — The country was thrown into chaos this morning as a federal judge from the D.C. District Court overturned the law of gravity nationwide.

"The law of gravity is a bigoted law that quite literally keeps people down. This is typical of the fascist authoritarianism that has become President Trump's brand," said Judge Porben Crumbly of his latest ruling. "It is a blatant violation of the Constitution and my sensitive leftist sensibilities. It is therefore my divine will as an all-powerful federal judge that gravity no longer exists."

Within minutes of Judge Crumbly making his decision, everything in the country began to float into the sky in compliance with the ruling. Sources said the sky was now filled with thousands of people, automobiles, chickens, rocks, televisions, and other objects that were typically known for staying on the ground. "How does a federal judge have this kind of authority?" said one woman, who was attempting to walk her chihuahua at 12,000 feet. "It seems like too much authority, but maybe that's just me."

Officials within the Trump administration called the ruling "outrageous" and vowed to appeal. "We are living under judicial tyranny!" said Trump advisor Stephen Miller while desperately clinging to the headdress on the Statue of Freedom atop the Capitol Building.

Others defended the decision as "constitutional" and "nonpartisan," pointing to the fact that Judge Crumbly was appointed by George W. Bush.

At publishing time, disaster had struck as the Trump administration announced plans to ignore the ruling, causing everyone to come crashing to the ground.

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