What a terrible thing to happen to such a lovely guy.

He has changed his name to "Paul Pediger," because he feared people weren't already thinking of him as a child predator.

In addition to the new moniker and hipster beard disguise, Pediger/Grosskreutz now sports numerous broken bones, cervical spinal damage, a punctured liver, teeth injuries, and a serious case of road rash.

Grosskreutz/Pediger has since launched a GoFundMe site where he is taking tips to help him through these trying times. He doesn't mention he is the infamous subversive who pulled a gun on Rittenhouse and had his arm destroyed.

It takes a heart of stone not to laugh.

I do not have a heart of stone.