Just imagine me in a fedora and monocle and a May the Force Be With You t-shirt.
A couple of weeks ago I reviewed the Dungeons and Dragons movie. I said it was a movie I could enthusiastically review -- if Hasbro wasn't another c***sucker woke corporation stuffing the George Floyd Agenda and LGBT Rainbow down our throats every five seconds, and if the directors of the film hadn't attempted to appeal to their fellow wokies by bragging about having so much fun "emasculating" the male heroes as much as possible.
The movie opened to a "so-so" box office take. It came in on the higher side of projections (which were pretty low) in the US market -- trackers were predicting a $30-40 million opening domestically; it made $38.5 -- and it outperformed expectation globally, bringing it to an okay $70 million worldwide opening.
This is a movie which has 90% fresh ratings from both critics and audience members -- I think it's 91% fresh from critics, 94% from audience -- and scored a high A- rating from Cinemascore's exit polls of people just leaving the movie at theaters.
It even got Critical Drinker's seal of approval. Spoiler alert: He drops a small but fun spoiler in that.
It should have made more money -- but Hasbro is a woke greedpit of shitlibs, and the writers of the movie openly bragged about how fun it was to "emasculate" the film's male characters.
61% of this film's audience were males, and I can guarantee you that at least half of the women going to the movie only went because their husband or boyfriend was going.
And the film-makers decided to brag about emasculating men for entertainment purposes.
Which isn't even really true. The film is not that woke by 2023 standards, and the male heroes actually do come off as heroes.
It's all fun and games baiting and disrespecting unfashionably straight cis white males, until you realize, oh, right, straight cis white males are our core audience. Maybe we shouldn't have attacked them just before we begged them to come give us some of their straight cis white male money.
As I also mentioned, Hasbro decided to show what greedy little shitlib piggies they are by screwing over the D&D audience just a month ago. They backed down when people began threatening to boycott this movie, but it all left a bad taste in people's mouths. People are flocking to alternatives to the D&D game, and so they can probably just watch Lord of the Rings again this weekend instead of rewarding Hasbro.
They continue playing to a woke audience that doesn't have money to spend because they're all squatters and antifa couch-surfers.
And the non-woke audiences hear this crap too. And we don't like it.
But they'll keep on doing it.
In other entertainment news:
Remember when Rick & Morty creator Justin Roiland was accused of domestic abuse against a girlfriend? And then the Cartoon Network fired him from his own show before any trial?
Yeah. All charges against him have been dropped.
On Wednesday, the Orange County District Attorney's office in California dropped domestic violence charges against Justin Roiland, the co-creator and former star of the popular adult cartoon show Rick and Morty. This after the allegations resulted in Roiland's firing from the popular animated series.
"I have always known that these claims were false--and I never had any doubt that this day would come," Roiland said.
"I'm thankful that this case has been dismissed but, at the same time, I'm still deeply shaken by the horrible lies that were reported about me during this process. Most of all I'm disappointed that so many people were so quick to judge without knowing the facts, based solely on the word of an embittered ex trying to bypass due process and have me 'canceled.'"
Where does he go to get his reputation back? Or his job back?
The actor playing Marvel's new Phase V villain was just arrested for domestic battery. But Disney/Marvel has too much riding on this guy, and he's also the latest Great Black Hope in Hollywood, so people are giving him the benefit of the doubt they did not give to Justin Roiland.
Majors' attorney released texts from Majors' girlfriend, alleging that these disprove her initial claims of battery.
I mean -- it's a standard case of a woman recanting claims of being beaten by her boyfriend or husband. It's not exactly gold-standard stuff, because we see these recantations all the time and understand they are usually false.
Does that mean he's guilty?
No, not at all.
But I do think that Justin Roiland is wondering why the leftwing entertainment media is giving Jonathan Majors so much more time to clear his name than he got.
The woman's name is redacted for privacy reasons, but the text reads, "Please let me know you're okay when you get this. They assured me that you won't be charged. They said they had to arrest you as protocol when they saw the injuries on me and they knew we had a fight. I'm so angry that they did. And I'm sorry you're in this position. Will make sure nothing happens about this. I told them it was my fault for trying to grab your phone. I only just got out of hospital. Just call me when you're out."
Another text shows her explaining that Majors initially called the cops because he was concerned about her passing out. She goes on to clarify that she was never strangled and wasn't attacked.
"They just called again to check on me and I reiterated how this was not an attack and they do not have my blessing on any charges being placed. I read the paper they gave me about strangulation and I said point blank this did not occur and should be removed immediately. The judge is definitely going to be told this. She ensured this to me. I know you have the best team and there's nothing to worry about I just want you to know that I'm doing all I can my end. I also said to tell the judge to know that the origin of the call was to do with me collapsing and passing out and your worry as my partner due to our communication prior. Out of care. She promised all will be relayed," she wrote.
This is not the exoneration his lawyer is claiming it is. And they claimed they'd produce video proving Majors dindu nuffin'.
They haven't released that. I have a feeling I know why.
Midnight's Edge speculates -- or jokes -- that Jonathan Majors will wind up declaring himself a "they/them," because so far, that has kept DC's known woman-abuser Ezra Miller from getting fired.