I thank God I became a journalist because it spared me from becoming a publicist. Besides being a straight white man, I think there’s no riskier profession in the 21st century than that of a publicist. Comedy isn’t going through its best moment either, but at the end of the day, when the wokeists drag a comedian to the stake to burn him alive, he can always yell, “IT WAS JUST A DAMN JOKE!” If a publicist shouts, “I just wanted to sell a bunch of jeans!” he’ll be thrown into the flames even faster and more violently because on top of being cancelable, he turns out to be a capitalist pig too.
Wokeists, currently down on their luck, have seen American Eagle’s latest campaign as a golden opportunity to try to revive their cause, testing the mobilization capacity of that segment of the population that uses its brain exclusively to grip their hair and keep it from falling out while walking. At this point, you’ve probably already heard about the controversy, but I’ll summarize it for you anyway: Sydney Sweeney is too hot.
If Sweeney weighed 600 pounds, the ad wouldn’t be racist. If she were George Soros’ wife, it wouldn’t be racist. If she were 70 years old, it wouldn’t be racist. If she had Judith Butler’s haircut, it wouldn’t be racist. And if Sydney Sweeney, ultimately, had been born James Sweeney and still had her testicles tucked away, the ad wouldn’t be racist — it would be diverse.
If it weren’t for the usual woke madness, it would be hard to find anything remotely Nazi or racist in the campaign. Maybe a pun that’s more or less clever. A comment about the girl’s genes. Fine. But can anyone not currently earning points toward admission in the far-left mental asylum really deny that the stunning Sydney Sweeney is genetically blessed?
Let’s get this straight — it’s not about her being white. In fact, if this ad had featured Halle Berry 25 years ago, I could write the exact same line: Can anyone deny she’s been blessed by genetics?
But let me confess something: In recent years, we’ve gotten some things wrong (I’m an expert in being wrong) when it comes to how we’ve approached the culture war. A cultural war, to exist, requires both sides to possess a certain culture to clash over — and a minimum understanding of it to argue their case. Most of the culture wars portrayed by leftists and conservatives over the past 20 years never really happened, due to the absence of the postmodern left and its supposed cultural code. And let’s clarify something important here: Stupidity is not a culture — it’s the absence of one.
So it’s pointless to waste time crafting grand philosophical arguments to defend the right of a clothing company to freely launch an ad campaign featuring a beautiful woman as bait. Let’s remember that those fashion brands that got entangled in woke stupidity were on the verge of bankruptcy after launching underwear ads featuring massive posters with, instead of the usual top models, a lineup that included an obese woman, a trans man, a Black woman, a very short girl, a very unattractive one, an Asian, and a grandma — all in their underwear.
Fashion advertising, in the end, aims to persuade — but not only that. It also tries to attract through beauty or humor. And in a way, it tries to suggest that with that garment, you’ll look just as good as the model wearing it. Obviously, in most cases, that’s a lie — but if anything has helped civilizations progress, it’s letting people dream, letting them be happy and free, and letting them believe that a pair of jeans could suddenly turn them into James Dean.
If American Eagle had run a campaign featuring a woman who was obese, Black, transgender, ugly, toothless, and wearing a Bernie Sanders T-shirt, they wouldn’t have sold a single damn pair of jeans. Why? Is it because everyone hates transgender, Black, fat, ugly, toothless Bernie fans? Not exactly. Truth is, people don’t give a damn about that. It’s simpler. It wouldn’t have sold because, first, the majority of the target audience wouldn’t see themselves represented, and second, the majority wouldn’t aspire to look like that. Generally speaking, we all dream of being more attractive — not uglier. I know plenty of women who want to be like Sydney Sweeney. Not one wants to be like Nancy Pelosi. And that’s only surprising to an imbecile — or a lunatic.
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