As Pride Month climaxes today, this is the perfect time to mourn the Rainbow Flag and preview its ultimate replacement: the Infinite Inclusion Flag.

Rainbow Flag (Guanaco/Wikimedia Commons)

Designed in 1979 by Gilbert Parker, the original Rainbow Flag once was a colorful, fun symbol. In just six horizontal stripes — from the top: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet — it meant, more or less: “If you’re gay, you’re welcome here. The drinks are cool. The people are warm. Come on in!” 

The Rainbow Flag certainly appeared at gay-rights rallies and parades and leaned more left than right. It always seemed, however, more about celebration than about either defiance or confrontation.

Not so fast, more militant non-heterosexuals insisted. Even though the flag represented a rainbow — a natural phenomenon that included the entire color spectrum visible to human eyes — that was not good enough.

“What about black people? What about brown people?”

Rather than insist that real-life rainbows contain neither black (the absence of light) nor brown (all the colors stirred together), the gay mafia imploded under pressure in 2017 and added black and brown stripes atop the original Rainbow Flag. 

Katie, bar the swinging saloon doors!

Progress Flag (Nikki/Wikimedia Commons)

“WHAT ABOUT US!” screamed every demographic, faction, and cult that happened to be non-heterosexual. The once cheerful, friendly Rainbow Flag quickly got redrawn into something more hostile. 

With any sense of feng shui thrown to the wind, a giant triangle invaded the Rainbow Flag — fittingly — from left to right. Rather than gentle, new waves of color, a series of pointed, tinted wedges marched behind the tip of a black spear and then overwhelmed, penetrated, and paralyzed the Rainbow Flag. Thanks to these designs by Daniel Quasar in 2018 and Valentino Vecchietti in 2021 — this is how Kuwait must have felt after Saddam Hussein’s troops breached its frontier in 1991.

The colonized Rainbow Flag has been rechristened — Oops! Let’s not make anyone uncomfortable! — renamed the Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag. 

This is progress?

Writing in Nevada Today in July 2021, Schaller Desart described the army that now occupies the Rainbow Flag.

“The intersex flag is a way for the community to unite and unify under a symbol devoid of gender stereotypes,” Desart observes. “Yellow has long been seen as an intersex color or to represent those who do not fit the binary. The purple circle represents the wholeness of the intersex community free from colors like blue and pink that are commonly seen as male and female, respectfully [sic].” 

The white stripe and those in masculine blue and feminine pink (how stereotypical!) collectively represent transgenderism, which seems these days to be catchier than conjunctivitis.

Seeing all of this through healthy eyes, someone has crafted the ultimate symbol of terminal open-mindedness.

The Infinite Inclusion Flag was fathered by a young gay man who attends a post-secondary school somewhere between the Golden Gate and Brooklyn Bridge. Since he prefers not to get excommunicated from campus with his possessions ablaze, he requests anonymity. Unlike Betsy Ross, his name will not go down in history.

“The Infinite Inclusion Flag is just a sarcastic take on the endless revisions being done to the Rainbow Flag, and the silliness of every fragment of everyone’s identity or niche issue requiring unique intersectional and political representation — as if the literal rainbow were not inclusive enough already,” he tells me. “It’s like being taken on a highly involuntary trip to Absurdistan and resenting every second of it.”

“The Progress Pride Flag is becoming a meme,” he adds, “and it was just kinda funny to throw the culture-war kitchen sink at it and make the flag an obnoxious, incomprehensible cacophony, since that’s apparently where it’s headed.”

With those words of introduction, behold the Infinite Inclusion Flag:

Infinite Inclusion Flag (Image courtesy of its creator)

Here is what these symbols mean, from left to right:

• Top row: polyamory, omnigender, obscure gender, transgender, neurodiversity, Black Lives Matter, Ukrainian flag
• Second row: unhoused individuals; Wiccans; Target, Inc.; intersex; auditorily impaired
• Third row: the physically differently abled, chicks with dicks, Bud Light (R.I.P.), newest Americans who just want better lives, nuclear-waste experts who cross dresses in stolen clothes, the differently sized
• Fourth row: small persons, “minor-attracted people,” the vaccinated, indebted college graduates, people who worship St. George Floyd, St. George Floyd, woke Americans who take a knee

“The white ribbon is thinner than the others because we cannot give whiteness too much space,” the flag maker declares. “Having the white ribbon — a symbol of irredeemable white society — as thick as the others would make me lose sleep.”

Finally, the plus sign is there, in pink. This represents Infinite Inclusion and Beyond! Who knows which unconventional slice of society will appear suddenly on the Infinite Inclusion Flag? That’s what makes it so immeasurably exciting!

That said, the flag maker offers these words of caution:

“I am on my knees, apologizing in advance, if I have offended anyone by neglecting to include any marginalized community,” he remarks. “If so, we’ll cover more of the original Rainbow.”

Deroy Murdock is a Manhattan-based Fox News Contributor.