King Charles’s big day on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, May 27, began with a welcome by four First Nations men in native costume. They sat in a semicircle around a huge drum and banged on it with sticks while wailing loudly. A war chant? Who knows? It did seem to be right out of an old Western — the Indians getting themselves all revved up just before leaping on their horses, tomahawks in hand, to take on the palefaces. Through it all, Charles and Camilla stood there like a couple of chumps, he with a dozen or so shiny medals pinned to his chest, her in a wide-brimmed hat not unlike the one Melania wore to the inauguration.

Both of them also wore frozen smiles, trying very hard to make it look as if they were enjoying the performance — although, alas, it wasn’t the sort of thing that anyone could possibly enjoy. Still, it had to be done: in Canada, land of hockey and maple syrup and euthanasia and gender transitions for tots, you have to begin these things by acknowledging the aboriginals. (RELATED: The Future Is Dim for US–Canada Relations)

The drumming over, Charles and Camilla were led to their thrones in the Senate of Canada Building by a quaintly clad ceremonial official called the Usher of the Black Rod. Usher of the Black Rod? This was a new one on me. (From Wikipedia: “The usher of the Black Rod is an official in the parliaments of several countries of the Commonwealth of Nations. The title is often shortened to Black Rod.” Wow, Black Rod! My old porn name!)

The last time she went to Canada to give a throne speech — which is what all this hoopla was about — was 1977. And that was only the second time that any monarch ever had bothered to do so.

Anyway, because Elizabeth II never made a fuss over her role as Queen of Canada, it sounded weird to hear a Canadian official intone, in vaguely Shakespearean-sounding language, that the king — the king! — hereby summoned members of the House of Commons to “attend him immediately in the Senate chamber.”

That done, Charles and Camilla stood up and mingled with the guests, who included former prime ministers, Supreme Court justices, and even Margaret Trudeau. Meanwhile, there was another dose of First Nations cultural enrichment — specifically, an Inuit elder lighting a qulliq lamp. (This was a new one on me, too. From Wikipedia: “The qulliq … is the traditional oil lamp used by many circumpolar peoples…. The fuel is seal-oil or blubber, and the lamp is made of soapstone.”) (RELATED: Never Had It So Bad: The Decline of the Great British Empire)

Next up: Black Rod banged his rod (excuse the expression) on the door of the House of Commons and announced: “A message from His Majesty the King of Canada! Un message de Sa Majesté le Roi du Canada!” The reason why everything moves so slowly in Canada is that you have to say everything twice — first in English, then in French.

Back to the royal mingling. It went on for quite a while. Somewhere a pianist played Chopin’s Polonaise — the famous one. (Or was it a recording?) I noticed that Charles’s throne still has “ERII” carved on it. The CBC hosts inevitably brought up Trump — was it possible he was watching this? On the one hand, he’s irked Canadian politicians with his talk of tariffs and of Canada becoming the 51st state, but on the other hand, he claims to have a real respect for the Windsors. Could Charles do something about the tariffs? (RELATED: Elections Have Consequences for Canada)

Finally, the formalities got underway. There was some more Tudorish language from bemedaled officials. Then the king spoke from his throne. And yes indeed, the speech that Prime Minister Mark Carney wrote for him began with a land acknowledgment: “We are gathered on the unceded territory of the Algonquin and Anishinaabe people.”

Thereafter, the king toggled between English and French. He declared that Canada is “bold,” “ambitious,” “innovative.” Compared to what? He said that the world today is “dangerous” and “unstable” and that “Canada is now facing challenges that are unprecedented in our lifetimes.” Of course, the most profound challenge faced by Canada in recent years has been Labour’s incompetent, autocratic rule, which has made Canada far less prosperous — and far less free.

His Majesty then tiptoed with exceeding delicacy into the U.S.–Canada issue, saying that the new government in Washington is preparing to make changes in its commercial relationships that will yield “benefits for both sovereign nations.” Huh! There was the usual bilge about climate change. (Charles must’ve been happy — he buys that bunk.) There were promises to boost homebuilding and to make Canada an international hub of technology. (Good luck with that.) When national defense came up, military collaboration with Europe was mentioned; the U.S. was not.

The king spoke briefly about “what makes Canada unique.” The French language, he pronounced, is “at the very center of Canadian identity.” (Nonsense, of course, but you’ve got to keep the Québécois happy.) He praised the CBC, that reliable fount of leftist propaganda. He celebrated Canada’s purported role as “a force for good” in the world. And he concluded, to great applause, with the words: “The True North is indeed strong and free!” Tell it to the truckers.

Watching Charles read Carney’s words, I reflected on the king’s unique role. He’s the head of state of several countries that are, at the moment, in deep trouble where Islam, immigration, integration, and individual liberties are concerned. Since ascending to the British throne, he hasn’t breathed a word in public about the U.K.’s most pressing problems; on his throne in Ottawa, he was equally mum about Canada’s current crisis. But how can you blame him for keeping silent? Canadian voters themselves, in their recent election, had an opportunity to put their country back on track, and chose instead to snub their noses at Trump. (RELATED: Mark Carney Is Incredibly Dangerous)

The speech over, Charles and Camilla exited the Senate. And as they rode a snazzy carriage in a procession to the National War Memorial, the CBC hosts gushed that this visit had been important for Canadians because it had provided them with a powerful reminder that they’re not (ugh!) Americans. So let me get this straight: the only way to remind Canadians that they’re not Americans, apparently, is to fly their time-share monarch in from Britain for a few hours. Is it just me, or is there something a bit off about that picture?

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