When Jesus, anguished at his incoming ordeal, walked up the mountain to pray, he wanted one thing: for his friends to sit with him. He wanted them to be with him. No one, save God Himself, could take Jesus’ suffering away but someone could have removed the isolation of his suffering. For those who don’t know the story, Jesus’ friends couldn’t do that. They were exhausted and fell asleep. Jesus, in addition to being distraught, was alone.

In contrast, when Jesus was dying on the cross, he wasn’t alone. His mother Mary, his friend John, and his friend Mary Magdalene stood by him and stayed with him, at great risk to their own lives and at great personal emotional cost. Mary, especially, knew that her son was born for adversity and knew what was coming and she did not leave her son’s side. She stayed with him. (LISTEN to Melissa Mackenzie and Scott McKay: The Spectacle Ep. 86: Pearl Davis Is Wrong About Mary)

It is Easter season and Christians around the world are focusing on their own sin and the grace of Jesus Christ who died for them. Christians contemplate the suffering inherent in this earthly life and consider bearing their burdens and offering up their own pain in service and with Jesus Christ. Their faith imbues their grief and loss and hurt with meaning.

Mary and John and Mary Magdalene’s choice to be with their son and friend during his suffering and death is also worth paying attention to. Humans are social mammals and need a pack, a team. They need family. Humans need support and care and community. Human suffering is lessoned by social bonds. Jesus was comforted by the presence of his mother and two best friends. Jesus did not die alone. His last words were to his friend John asking that he take care of his mother. Jesus needed the comfort that his mom would be okay after he died. John gave this to him.

When someone is enduring pain and loss or a hospital stay or a jail stint or a family death, friends and family wonder what they can do to help. Often, the answer is as simple as just being with them. Sometimes, like in the case of Jesus’ praying, the friends or family don’t even need to talk. They just need to be awake and present.

There’s a study about women giving birth — something that a woman must do alone — that notes better outcomes with a doula in the room. A doula is a birth assistant. The interesting part of the study is that the woman doesn’t even have to be actively doing anything. She doesn’t need to bring a cool wash cloth or ice chips. She doesn’t need to massage the mom’s back or give her soothing words. If the doula sits in the corner and reads a book, her presence is enough to make for fewer interventions and better outcomes for both mother and child. The woman isn’t alone in her pain. Whether consciously or not, someone being there lightens the load for her.

In this individualized, mobile, and digitized society, too little attention is paid to social bonds and the need for them. People are more productive in the workplace when they report having a friend at work. People who are part of a church community live longer. Men who are married live longer, make more money, and have more sex. Successful people report that their most important decision of their lives was their choice to get married. (LISTEN: The Spectacle Ep. 85: Wokeism Is a Cult. The Answer Is Faith: A Conversation With Carrie Sheffield.)

The deprived people are those without family, church, and community bonds. It leads young people, especially, to turn to mobs and gangs and violence to find belonging and meaning. No one can navigate this world alone — not even Jesus. He needed his mother. He needed his best friends. He needed his students and work. He needed support and community.

Loneliness, more than smoking or drinking, shortens lifespan. Seeking community, then, is critical. Some though, cannot seek community and must be sought. Through isolation or disease or simply age and immobility, our aging population is lonely. There is an epidemic of lonely people.

Mary, Jesus’ mom, set an example for Christians. Even at great personal cost and seeing her son tortured and crucified, she stayed with him until the end. She refused to leave her son alone.

To be human is to suffer. It takes amazingly little to make it bearable. A loving presence makes all the difference.