Johns Hopkins University recently got caught with its hand in the DEI cookie jar when its chief diversity officer, Dr. Sherita H. Golden, in her January 2024 Monthly Diversity Digest newsletter listed “privilege” as the Diversity Word of the Month, causing an uproar by describing roughly 101 percent of the American population as undeserving racists who plundered their success not by working hard but simply by popping out of a womb.

“Privilege is a set of unearned benefits given to people who are in a specific social group,” Dr. Golden wrote. “Privilege operates on personal, interpersonal, cultural and institutional levels, and it provides advantages and favors to members of dominant groups at the expense of members of other groups.” (READ MORE: Ramaswamy is Absolutely Schooling Woke, Inc.)

There’s nothing the least bit offensive about that description, other than that it’s a little wordy. However, in the following part of the newsletter, Dr. Golden dipped her toe in the piranha-filled moat of contemporary tolerance and came out with a stump:

In the United States, privilege is granted to people who have membership in one or more of these social identity groups:

• White people
• Able-bodied people
• Heterosexuals
• Cisgender people
• Males
• Christians
• Middle or owning class people
• Middle-aged people
• English-speaking people

As someone who checks off every single one of those boxes, I am here to defend Dr. Golden’s ambitious, if somewhat clumsy, foray into the culture wars. Dr. Golden clearly was not trying to enflame the already roaring bonfire that is consuming the good name of diversity, equity, and inclusion. She was simply trying to boost morale by mimicking the tomfoolery that we all enjoyed when watching Pee-wee’s Playhouse in our youth.

Pee-wee Herman would reveal that day’s secret word at the start of each show, and whenever someone said that word, everyone in the immediate area would suddenly scream really loudly.

So, picture the instructional surgeon saying the following in a Johns Hopkins’s operating theater: “Class, even though this incision I’m making along this heart patient’s breastbone could go horribly wrong if I’m distracted, it is nonetheless my privilege to show you—”

“YAAAAAAAAAAAY!” (Sounds of surgical instruments clattering on the floor.)

What’s wrong with trying to liven things up around the operating room? It’s such a grim place to begin with.

Close-minded critics fail to grasp that Dr. Golden was describing herself as being privileged. Here’s proof: She speaks English — or, at least, tries to write it. That falls under one of her nine categories of unearned privilege. Also, according to Wikipedia, she’s married and has a son. I didn’t go to Johns Hopkins, but I’m pretty sure that means she’s cisgender, unless she’s somehow a transgender woman who adopted a child and is married to another man who — wow, maybe I should’ve gone to Johns Hopkins. At any rate, she likely gave birth to her son, so I’m calling it. She’s cisgender.

Also, she’s an accomplished physician who’s been practicing close to 30 years and teaches at one of the most prestigious hospitals on the planet. I doubt she’s renting space in a trailer park, which means she falls comfortably into the “owning-class people” category, which I didn’t even know existed until reading her newsletter.

She’s not a white male (phew, thank goodness she avoided that trainwreck) and either is firmly ensconced in middle age or just about out the door. I don’t know if she’s Christian, and, for Dr. Golden’s sake, I pray that she isn’t because she’s checked off five of her nine privileged categories.

Hatemongers — including Elon Musk, who tweeted, “This must end!” about the brouhaha — are caught up on her describing Christians — every last single one of the little buggers — as privileged. Last I checked, African Americans are overwhelmingly Christian in the United States, some devoutly so.

I for one am glad Dr. Golden is calling out her own race for its privilege. It’s a 4D chess move because what she’s saying is that practically every member of society is privileged in one way or another and doesn’t even realize it, including apparently her. I mean, assuming everyone on the planet lives to an average human life expectancy, we all will be privileged between the ages of 40 to 60 and likely buying a Corvette or a Gucci bag that we can’t afford.

For whatever reason, Dr. Golden caved and issued an apology, stating, “The intent of the newsletter is to inform and support an inclusive community at Hopkins.” Absolutely! Nothing screams inclusivity like separating categories of people on whom we should cast suspicion.

She continued, “[T]he language of this definition clearly did not meet that goal. In fact, because it was overly simplistic and poorly worded, it had the opposite effect…. I retract and disavow the definition I shared, and I am sorry.”

Retract your apology, Dr. Golden! In fact, please repost it and include three identities to your privilege list: liberal, Biden, and Fauci. Only then can we fully identify undeserved privilege and reach maximum inclusivity.

Matt Manochio can be found on X @MattManochio.