If you, my dear friends, wanted to buy the perfect object, what would it be?

I don’t know about you, but as for me, that object would be a car — or an SUV or a truck. Imagine that for an affordable amount, you could get a new personality, a new face, a new figure, a shield against searing heat, against cold air, against rain or snow, and a new robotic you altogether, you could not do better than a car.

A car not only takes you from point A to point B, but it also tells people that you are sporty, that you know what status means, that you know how to move. A car is a mask, a supernatural you with more power and speed than you could ever have dreamt of, a custom-made climate, a way of keeping up with the news, entertainment that amuses your brain and soul with music from heaven, and a way of connecting you with the greatest geniuses of sound of all time and space.

And all for a modest sum — not by any means free — but connected to the best aspects of human life for a price most Americans can afford, a car is the most effective way of connecting with the supernatural that I have ever known of.

More and more people have achieved the status of resident of paradise thanks to that most basic of American toys — a car.