I’m lying back on my couch, have uncorked a bottle of whiskey, put my feet up on the table, lit a cigar, and started to scratch my head slowly. I think I’m ready to start reviewing the year 2023. Ah, the arduous, unfair, and dangerous life of a journalist.
The UN named 2023 the Year of Dialogue as a Guarantee of Peace and, to celebrate, we continued one war and started another. In February of last year, Putin overdid it with vodka and decided to throw himself at Ukraine, and he may still be regretting it. It was a moving war, because newspapers talked of nothing else and everyone posted the Ukrainian flag on their social networks for two weeks; then we all went on to some other more important business like seeing what’s for dinner, choosing a vacation destination, or petting the cat (for those who have one).
And towards the end of this year, as Ukrainian blood no longer attracted the prime-time audience, Hamas terrorists decided to organize a disgusting massacre against Israel, giving rise to another conflict, which is actually just the same as always: the only democracy in the area against one of the many terrorist groups in the area. Israel is supported by a small part of the conservative West, and the terrorists are supported by almost the entirety of the global left, other terrorist groups, and practically all Muslims.
The truth is that nothing good could be expected to come from a year that began with the death and funeral of the great Pope Benedict XVI.
In addition to the normal wars, catastrophes, and tax hikes, more things happened in 2023. The main thing, though, is that we were able to celebrate the arrival of the new year without masks, and some of us went out partying and still haven’t found our way back home. For the first few days we went out drinking to celebrate the new year without restrictions, but soon we went out drinking to forget that Lula Da Silva had just taken power again in Brazil. The good thing about 2023 is that every day has provided us with a different excuse to drink.
Of all the elections held this year, the most surprising, because of the unexpected results, is that of China. In March, in the presidential election, the National People’s Congress decided unanimously to elect Xi Jinping as president. Unbelievable. Experts believe it was due to his extraordinary campaign of election executions.
Shortly thereafter, Elon Musk launched the largest and most powerful rocket ever built, SpaceX’s Starship — it exploded after four minutes. Wow. Again.
Around the same time, the WHO announced the end of the global health emergency due to the coronavirus, and nobody paid any attention to them because nobody remembered that we were still in a global health emergency, or what the hell the coronavirus was, or even what the hell the acronym WHO stands for.
On May 27th, there were elections in Mauritania, and El Insaf’s party won, and I’m thinking the same as you: Who gives a damn?
Between June and September, there was a multitude of train accidents, huge wildfires, natural disasters, and terrible occurrences, for which almost no one can be blamed, but which resulted in a lot of deaths here and there. That’s journalism, my friends.
And as for the rest of the year, the same as always: Jihadist attacks every week in Europe, Wokeism trying to rape traditional American culture, a bunch of idiots pontificating nonsense from reputable universities, journalists lying about Trump, Joe Biden walking around bewildered in different scenarios and babbling nonsense, Brussels very worried that Artificial Intelligence isn’t social democratic enough, Hunter Biden having the penultimate drink, violent demonstrations anywhere and for any reason, and a bunch of billionaire apocalypse gurus pontificating from their private jets about the extreme dangers of global warming. Oh, and the best part: Javier Milei won.
You may miss some things in this summary of the year. You can add them in the comments, which I always read with great interest. But it’s late, I have friends waiting for me to pronounce a toast, I’m out of whiskey, and I was having a conversation with my cat about 2023 when I remembered that I don’t actually have a cat.
I hope that personally it has been a great year for you. And if not, fear not: I have a good feeling about 2024 (due to my prediction track record, I recommend that you get yourself a nuclear fallout protection kit).
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