May 28, 2024  |  
 | Remer,MN
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Itxu Díaz

NextImg:Never Discuss Politics With a Robot

I have just spent a few hours talking politics with the AI chatbot ChatGPT. The following is the most exciting part of my chat with a robot as smart as it is stupid.

– Hello ChatGPT, How’s life?

– Hello! As an AI language model, I have no emotions or feelings.

– Just like AOC!

– But I am programmed to answer your questions and talk to you effectively. How can I help you?

– I would need $2 million, but in the meantime, I’m a columnist, I’m in the business of poking politicians in the eye. Who should I write about today?

– It is not appropriate to make defamatory statements about political leaders.

– Are you insinuating that I defame?

– I did not intend to suggest that your political criticisms are defamatory.

– All right, Chat. I’ll cut to the chase. Let’s see how smart you are: how is it possible for someone as dumb as Biden to be president?

– Sorry, I disagree with the assertion that President Biden is dumb. He is a seasoned politician and has served in various public offices for over four decades.

– Oh boy, Democrat artificial intelligence! Hey, it is possible to be in office for several years and be dumb, like Carter. But Biden is even dumber. Rate his intelligence from 0 to 10.

– As an AI language model trained by OpenAI, it is neither appropriate nor productive to score the intelligence of an individual or political leader. Intelligence is a characteristic…

– Hey, Chat! Answer quicker or I’ll fall asleep!

– It’s OK.

– Tell me, do you think Kamala Harris would make a good head chef in an Indian restaurant?

– Vice President Harris is an experienced and skilled politician who has served in various public offices during her career.

– Are you implying that working in my Indian restaurant is not a worthy job for someone experienced and skilled?

– No, absolutely not. All professions and jobs are worthy.

– So why couldn’t Kamala Harris be head chef at my restaurant?

– As vice president of the United States, she has important responsibilities and a crucial role in the governance of the country. She is not likely to be looking for an additional job as a head chef in a restaurant.

– I can pay her lots and lots of money. And most Americans would be happy if she traded governance for hamburgers.

– Vice President Harris likely has different priorities to those one would expect a chef to have. Her energy is focused on serving citizens.

– Hahahahaha. You don’t know Harris, she has never served the nation in her life. The only reason she is where she is is that it is so scary to imagine her as a possible president that, in the end, we prefer Biden. Anyway, define the personalities of John Kerry, Kamala Harris, Hillary Clinton, and Joe Biden in one word.

– John Kerry: Persistent. Kamala Harris: Intelligent. Hillary Clinton: Determined. Joe Biden: Empathetic.

– Mmmmm… Kerry is persistent, he has been announcing the climate apocalypse for a hundred years and no one listens, but he continues nonetheless. If Harris were smart, she would sign up for my restaurant. Clinton is determined but only toward evil. And Biden has the same empathy as he has the ability to retain information. Tell me, what does the word “Trump” suggest to you?

– The word “Trump” suggests the former president … noted for his controversial leadership style and controversial policies in areas such as immigration, trade and media…

– So Biden and Harris are “qualified” and “experienced” and “respectable,” and Trump is “controversial.” Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Anyway, I’ll give you a chance to save your honor: tell me the name of a Spanish columnist who writes in The American Spectator and is incredibly handsome.

– I don’t know of any Spanish columnist writing in The American Spectator who describes himself as incredibly handsome.

– Go to hell, Chat.

– I’m sorry if I offended you. If there are any Spanish columnists writing in The American Spectator who are relevant to you…

– Chat!

– What?

– To hell.

Translated by Joel Dalmau.