Imagine you’re running a pro football team, and, as is your publicly stated desire, you wish to win.

And, of course, there are no laws denying women, or women who think they’re men, or, for that matter, women who think that they’re both men and red squirrels -- that most persecuted minority, transfurries -- from trying out for your team.

The fact is, if you’re a transgender red squirrel and you can punt the ball sixty-five yards, you’ll make the team. If you can’t, well, there’s always Central Park.

You can also try out for the team if you’re short, fat, or, like moi, old and bow-legged. You can try out, but you won’t remotely make the cut.

Same for folks with ADHD, visual impairment, or schizophrenia. Diversity’s nice, but merit rules in football. You’ve got to be big and bad, not to mention agile, mobile, and hostile.

As a result, there are no women, men in dresses, folks who think they’re red squirrels, or out-of-shape fatties in pro football.

And when it comes to the U.S. armed forces, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth merely wants to codify the same standards as a football team for those who risk their very lives to protect America. Nothing more.

U.S. soldiers should be lean, mean, and very sure of what their sex and species is.

No women allowed unless they measure up physically, no flabby porkers like General Mark “White Rage” Milley, and certainly no guys in gowns or squirrel suits.

It’s important to win in football, and infinitely more so in war.

And thankfully, based on his recent, highly-publicized and profane meeting with all of his military brass, our Secretary of War clearly understands this.

Image: AT via Magic Studio