Some symbols of Cool Britannia are in decline. Fortunately, the resplendent red pillar postboxes still stand gracefully. However, prevalence of the classic red phone booth, similar exteriorly to Doctor Who’s Tardis, is waning (for obvious reasons). For less obvious reasons, the future of the iconic London taxi is in jeopardy.
Announced on 10 June, 2025, Uber and Wayve plan to pilot self-driving vehicles in London. Blimey, rather than a logical grid layout, London sports a mishmash arrangement of arteries that add to its “charm.” Even if the self-driving software is faultless on its bedeviling and narrow roads (I have many doubts), for tourists that hail a taxi (there are proper protocols to observe) the cultural experience will diminish.
Listening to some cock-eyed cockney slang can be distracting when one merely wants quick, clear, precise information (e.g., EPL soccer commentary). However, during leisurely jaunts around London’s many attractions, knowing that an indigenous driver with “The Knowledge” (legendary taxi-driver test) is behind the wheel is not only comforting, but entertaining.
London taxi drivers have a reputation for being very professional; their industry is conscientiously regulated and trustworthy. Indeed, to become a London cabbie one must pass such extensive tests that their brains’ hippocampus regions quite literally enlarge — this form of brain plasticity has been confirmed scientifically in reproducible studies.
If the self-driving software is able to duplicate that, then so be it; but it won’t be able to engage in charming conversations about the weather, which stock is on the ups, when the King’s Guards change at Buckingham Palace, where are the best pubs and fish and chip shops, or which horse is a ringer at the next races. Even if the vehicle is equipped with conversational AI software, it is sterile by comparison. Besides, it will be untrained to the uninitiated rider’s voice.
Neither will autonomous vehicles be able to spontaneously tell-off misbehaving motorists. London cabbies are highly trained, and usually polite to riders, but they can be salt-of-the-earth earnest. It is not beyond them to engage other motorists in expletive-filled rants should they abuse the rules of the road. Indeed, that prospect can be part of the entertainment when taking a taxi.
If someone on a delivery moped crosses his lane haphazardly, or carelessly interweaves between traffic, how will the driverless car be able to shout out, “move over, you stupid plonker”? How is the autonomous vehicle going to yell, for example, “back-up you bloody Wally, this is a one-way road”? Or, “hey you bleedin’ tosser, that’s a stop sign.” Navigating those notorious roundabouts can elicit even more expressive language. If you haven’t experienced that, this brief video from the movie European Vacation captures the essence of it. I’d much rather put my trust in a traditional London taxi than a robotaxi to circumnavigate that unforgiving obstacle.
Besides, how can one fully appreciate the exciting vibes of London without a white-knuckle taxi ride? At least for tourists who wish to immerse themselves in London’s vibrant culture, it’s not just the attraction itself, but getting there that’s half the fun. A white-knuckle taxi ride (or even an uneventful one) from some indigenous Londoner who speaks a peculiar version of the King’s English is mandatory. Cheers mate, and thanks for the horse tip!
Image: Free image, Pixabay license.