With the end of Pride Month (June, for those of you who just returned from a different planet), we turn to the next major month-long celebration seemingly acknowledged by every nation, group, organization, and person on the face of the earth … and find that there isn’t one.

That must quickly be rectified, though perhaps not in the manner of which you may be thinking.

Surely someone wants it.

I propose that July should be PROUD! of our PRIDE! month, as a significant percentage of the LGBTQ community seems to be inordinately, in-your-face proud of both their sexual proclivities and their pride as regards same.

No other group, no matter their beliefs or deeds, seems to be anywhere near as proud of themselves as gays, lesbians, and transgenders. (“July: so proud it’s overflowing.”)

Why is it that just those in the LGBTQ community get to show off their prodigious pride?

What about the rest of us?

Might not the entirety of August be set aside to worship those who are proud of their greed? We could celebrate those in Congress making  about $175,000 a year who have multiple houses and a net worth of tens -- or hundreds -- of millions of dollars … and an insatiable hunger for power.

What about the rest of the year? Let’s have a look, shall we?

September: Wrath Month. A whole month of reveling in all things angry and violent!

October: Lust Month. Take pride in your lasciviousness. Crave another? Violence? A bong hit? This month is for you!

November: Envy Month. Ever felt that you’ve been wronged because you don’t own a Lamborghini Countach and a seaside mansion and beach house? Even though you don’t have a job and play Grand Theft Auto V all day and night while clad in your pajamas? Covet your neighbor’s wife, manservant, or sprinkler system? This is your time!

December: Gluttony Month. Do you supersize your fast-food orders on a daily basis? Do you ask for fries with your salad or daily multi-vitamin? Do you think “Big Gulp” soft drinks are small beverages? Do you smoke so much “weed” that you’ve forgotten to get up from the couch for days on end? 31 days in tribute to you, porky!

January: Sloth Month. Are you too lazy to change the channel? With the remote? Or change your clothes every week? Did you plan to take a shower last month but didn’t get around to it? Let’s start the new year off right by lauding everything you don’t do! For four straight weeks plus! You deserve it, baby!

That leaves February, March, April, and May. Some might think that such things as prudence, justice, temperance, courage, faith, hope, or charity might be honored, but they’d be mistaken. Those things—and the backward prudes who believe in them—are, like, sooo yesterday!

February: It’s Albino Eskimo Month!

March: Dedicated to celebrating bi-racial Pacific Islanders!

April: Set aside for praising progressives! Progressive Pride is paramount!

May: Is all about touting Capricorn accountants who were born on Thursdays! It is your month — and your world … we just live in it.

The rest of us fervently hope you are half as proud of yourselves as we are of you!

Happy Pride! everyone!

Image: Pixabay // Pixabay License